My xHam Crime: IWF - Internetting While Female

Hello my Hammys,

I didn't want to have to write about this topic, I always try to just be polite and positive and focus on having fun, but unfortunately some random jerkfaces on this site have taken to harassing me, and a girl can only take so much before she gets mad and has to vent some steam.

Apparently I'm guilty of the worst crime on xHam - IWF, Internetting While Female. (Please note the italics to denote sarcasm)

I'm not going to get into any details or name any names, I'm just going to say that there is a MASSIVE double-standard online. It's perpetuated by the jerks/bullies who harassed me, and it goes something like this:

- Any guy online is just a guy, and nothing is expected of him.

- Any girl online is immediately "posing/faking/lying" and is subject to harassment, bullying, and personal attacks unless she does ALL of the following things:

1) Post naked photos
2) Post naked videos
3) Have sex with every single guy who comes across their page online, because honestly, how else can we verify ourselves unless we're actually physically there having sex with you. Oh, and letting you film the entire process to post online to prove you had sex with us.

It's ridiculous. Pop into any cam room on xHam and you'll see why girls get frustrated, and why most of us have such a low tolerance for mean/rude comments.

A girl can literally be fingering herself on a cam, and some anonymous jerkface will pop up and say "HAVE SEX WITH ME NOW YOU SLUT!"

Or if she's lucky, he might say something more refined like "SHOVE YOUR FIST IN YOUR CUNT NOW YOU WHORE! MAKE THAT PUSSY SQUIRT ON MY DICK!"

I know not all guys act like this, but there are unfortunately enough of them out there. And unfortunately, it causes us girls to be naturally defensive, just as you guys are naturally defensive if you've encountered a particularly bitchy girl online.

I don't understand why guys, or girls have to act horrible towards people on xHam. Why are they wasting their time trying to create drama??? It's a freaking porn site for crying out loud! Find your video, have your orgasm, and go take a nap. End of story.

I tried my best to ignore the jerks/trolls, but I just needed to vent. I already hate that they annoyed me enough to write this blog as a response, but oh well.

Please just be polite to each other, and remember you're on a porn site and it's supposed to be about fun.

If you want to read more about this double-standard, please check out this blog, it says everything I have here, only much more in depth:
http://xhamster.com/user/AlyMelny/posts/129729.html

And to all of my Hammys who support me and send me kind words, you have my eternal affection and thanks. *Kisses and Boobie Hugs* For all of you :)

Published by kellykins2u

12 years ago

Comments

132

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xjanis 10 years ago

Old problem hey it happens

My dear Kelly. Believe it or not there are people in here that are interested not only to "Find your video, have your orgasm, and go take a nap. End of story." For me sexual excitement has to do not only with the visual stimulation through videos or photos, but much more with the communication with the other person. A few kind words, some naughty polite comments and especially the build of trust and respect between 2 people is the elixirium to a high sexual libido and desire.
I really feel ashame and sorry about all this people who think the other person belongs to them and treat the other like garbage.
Yes, try to find and enjoy the flowers that remain.
Kisses XXX
Dimitris

creative13 10 years ago

You put it so succinctly at "Find your video, have your orgasm, and go take a nap. End of story."

Ignore and filter out the fakes like one would weed a garden.

Enjoy the flowers that remain.

M

shawn1956 10 years ago

Sorry you have to deal with these idiots. Lots of us guys respect your right to view porn.

Longneckbtl 10 years ago

Seems to me there are jerks of all ages, races and gender. People just need to learn to "block" them not just here but in real life too.

jack_it100 10 years ago

nice post

Toetapper 10 years ago

I knew this went on but I thought it was less pervasive. It is embarrassing to me, though I try to treat all with respect. My apologies for these cretins; hope I don't ever get lumped into the save category with them.

horribleperson 10 years ago

all those stupid comments are from guys who don't know how to talk to a women in person so they don't know how to talk to one on the internet

jonboi18 10 years ago

yeah its a shame you get people on here who exist purely to torment and annoy people on here, these peoplewho dont know how to talk to women online or for that matter in the flesh. thankfully the odds of the worst ones polluting the gene pools are slight.

tiredofboringsex92 11 years ago

mmmmm.... Boobie Hugs....

DanielPortenio 11 years ago

You are right.

SEABASS_87 11 years ago

"...something more refined like "SHOVE YOUR FIST IN YOUR CUNT NOW YOU WHORE!"

- Many, many lolz! Thankyou!

I have said this many times"when a man f***s a 100 women he is called a stud, when a woman f***s a 100 men she is called a w***e" I honestly plead with anyone to tell me what's the difference? because I don't know. the abuse you suffer is a typical story on this site , and until moderators such as capo get their heads out of the sand and do something about , nothing will change , support is next to useless , and simply ignores messages that complain about it.
You have my utmost sympathy, along with all women who are abused , I urge you to stay strong and realise all users are not like the ones you have had to endure.

SassyBri 11 years ago

My comment still not showing here in your blog. That happens.

SassyBri 11 years ago

I would like very much for you to participate in the current blog on my page, Kelly. I think that you could give some credible insight to the project... Please consider.

SassyBri 11 years ago

Exactly what myself and other genuine female members have been fighting for years. It is also the direction in which my current blog is discussing. I left it pretty much free range with a guide of questions for users to answer... and you would be surprised at the responses to #13 and #14. From women AND men alike. http://xhamster.com/user/SassyBri/posts/248403.html

There are many more men today Kelly, that are accepting to our plight for equality on these grounds and in this territory. They are beginning to understand that we are an integral part of what makes XHamster the place it is. No longer are we content to remain behind the scenes the subject/ object for their use and thrown away as fast as you can delete a video. We are involved in the very make up of the Xham fabric. In conversations, moderation, the review process, and support in many ways to the very men who want us to go away and stay behind a camera instead of holding one.

My frustration does not come from bitterness or any kind of feminist movement stance. I just don't want to be bullied, harassed or attacked just because I am a woman in this male dominated space.

And you know what I dislike more than the above? I do not want to be dismissed. As if I don't matter one way or the other. That is the most annoying piece of work I've experience on here while being attacked... Just simply dismissed. Oh Hell NO! Lol. Now I'm getting off on a tangent. Not my purpose in responding to your blog. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this ever shifting battle.

Sincerely,
SassyBri ~

I can only begin to imagine what it must be like for you and other genuine girls who experience the same torture. I applaud you Kelly for speaking out on this. xo

hamster117 11 years ago

totally agree nothing more to say

rooleg 11 years ago

Well said Kelly i agree with you about the cam rooms too it makes me cringe some times to see the crass low life comments thrown at the performers by men with no idea how to treat someone that is doing you a favour by letting you see her perform and most of the time it is for free too,so do these knuckle dragging fuck wits really think it is going to make the girl suddenly lose all self control want to stick her fist in her ass because some ass hole that she has never met or chatted to before enters her room and within 2 seconds of arrival is demanding she stick her fist in her ass like he is the director of his own personal porn vid and you must obey him.The old saying goes you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar but it is more like bile than vinegar that is being spewed from some mouths in some cam rooms.

anthony_weston 11 years ago

Dear Kelly,

I can't even image the kind of crap and horrors a woman on this site must have to put up with. Some men, unfortunately far, far too many, are guilty of this sort of thing. I'm a guy and it makes me sick so I can't even image what it's like to have it directed at me.

I'm all about TLC, being friendly and maybe, if the situation is right, it goes further. One of the things I like about xhamster is that I can talk openly about sex and pron with others, including women, who enjoy the site and all it offers without prejudice and pressure.

I totally sympathize with your frustration and I'm glad that, for now, it hasn't been so bad that you've been driven away.

Very good post. You write well. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Love,

Anthony

rodent1 11 years ago

I find the way many of these cam girls are treated to be vile, even if a few compound the problem by asking people to treat them in that manner.

I've also been accused of being a fake. Some people here are simply morons.

Niddie 11 years ago

I really hope you stay on the site.

jingletheater 11 years ago

I hope you stay on this site, I'm sure theres plenty of guys who give you a hard time, but personally, I log onto this site and for what? I sometimes wonder what's the point? aint no females around checking out my profile, my pics, my vids. The I come across your profile and not only read about how much they hassle you, but I see it for myself. The truth is. the majority of men on here are dogs. I'll be honest, I made an account on here with hopes of finding someone to "score some tail with", which I had a feeling might not happen for a while, but at least I'm not a douche bag about it. I just hope you don't get scared off, and if you do, maybe even maintain contact with some of us. You're like the most realest female I've seen on here so far. Keep on truckin'!

JackEagle 11 years ago

I'm afraid you'll find some of those odd lots here. They think they can demand anything and everything and when you refuse....ya get whatever label they want to place.

teetime5 11 years ago

Thanks for letting us know what women really like. Glad I dont fit what you described above.

lovebbwsandcurves 11 years ago

I'm a guy and I sure enjoy porn and this site. It offers plenty of variety and I sometimes spend time watching videos, other times watching pictures and commenting, and also spend time watching live cams and I also found it strange how some guys just say the stupidest things at the people already sharing themselves. BTW - I was cracking up over the pics of the pm' you've gotten. Amazing the stuff that is out there. I just look for normal people but what is that now a days? lol

mike0207 11 years ago

I agree with you.It's tougher for the ladies.But also for us men it's hard to find those "pearls" between 5.2 million people. It takes time and effort to find decent friends.If I find one every month that makes it all worth while.

dickens1981 11 years ago

How else would you verify yourself? Sex with everyone is the only sure way, duh. and HAVE SEX WITH ME NOW YOU SLUT!" I thought was a surefire pick up line. Hmm... I guess I have to re-think my strategy here.

Six_gun 11 years ago

Yep, these damn jerks ruin it for each and every one of who is decent. Not a crime at all sweetheart, nice to see you standing up and saying something about it.

year_zero 11 years ago

This is just my opinion....yeah, I know....everybody got one. The problem with ALL of these sex sites (not just this one)in actually communicating with one another is that it's too broad. Sex is a very broad thing....for both men & women. Some come on this site just to watch the free porn. Some come to actually meet up with someone in real life. Some just want sex chat (like me

Some just wants to advertise their cam site or what have you. Since my time here (almost a year), most of the females that message me just wants me to come to their site & signup (with a credit card #, of course) And who knows if it's actually a female you're interacting with?! LOL. Some females come on here & just want other females....WHILE some males create fake female profiles to chat with said females.....I mean, really. I'm not at all against anonymity on the internet especially when it comes to a sex site, but for god's sake, at least be honest about your freaking gender. If you have to lie about your own gender on a sex site then something is severely wrong & maybe you need to seek out professional help.
I said all of that to say this......maybe if the web developers of all these sex sites would come up with a way to give people a way to SEPARATE into various groups (based on why you are here & what turns you on....not just the basic stuff such as male, female, straight, bi, transgender or gay) then maybe it will weed less desireables out in "search". Just sayin.