How it began.
To be honest, to be honest with myself, the thoughts were always there. Young, alone at night, thinking about what it would be like. So arroused, so horny, touching myself. There were some opportunities back then, and oh how I would kick myself for missing out on them. Either from nerves or fears or stereotypes, I missed some chances to explore. An unexplained desire, a deep, hidden attraction.
Walking into a friend's room and finding him naked and asleep in his bed. Looking back, I womdered if he really was asleep or just pretending. Maybe he, like me, layed awake at night yearning to feel a mouth on him. Prehaps even yearning to feel his cock starved mouth on someone. Strange how I can remember it so clesrly. His tight, full balls, his soft cock resting on his abdomen, his well defined head. Did he want me to slide onto his bed? Did he want me to go down on him? To touch him and caress him with my lips and tongue before taking him deep into my mouth and making him rock hard? Sucking on his cock. Moaning around his cock. Making him clench and grasp at his bed sheets, lost in the pleasure. Did he want me to make his legs tense up and shake? To make him cry out in ecstasy as he trembles and explodes.
I will never know, but still I wonder. Still, if I had only had the nerve.
Again, so young amd alone with a teacher. A tall, handsome, masculine teacher. I was never attracted to males, exactly. Yet, I could see how someone might be. Having him stand so close to me as I sat at my desk. I knew how close his cock had to be. I imagined I could even feel it's heat. I imaginec waht it would look like. So big, I thought, so manly. Hanging, thick and soft below his thick mound of dark pubic hair. Did he just press his crotch against me? Did I, subconciously rub my arm agasint him? Did he want me to turn my face towards him? Did he want to free his cock, put his big hand on the back of my head and guide me towards it? Pressing my face to him, breathing in his manly scent, feeling his thick, warm shaft on my face and lips? Did he want to rub that big, thick dick on my ass? If he had pulled it out, what would I of done? Maybe I was ashamed, but I think I know.
Some years later, that wink from another older man. I was so horny, so curious, so sexually charged. Did he see something in me? Was that wink a way of coming onto me? If I had smiled back, if I had followed him around that corner. Would I of eneded up on my knees before him? Would I of let this stranger fill my mouth with his cum? So dirty, so kinky in a back alley. So why then was it such a turn on to think about? Oh, yes, I would of! Why didn't I? He wanted it, I wanted it, although I would not admit it. I was still just too nervous.
Getting my driver's license brought freedom and, regrettably, more missed opportunities. I'd find myself driving by adult bookstores, wondering lustfully what was inside. So horny, so wishing for someone to suck me. Driving by, feeling men's eyes on me. My cock would ache and twitch, such a turn on. At a light, late at night. I knew he had followed me after seeing me pass the bookstore a few times. Too nervous to look over, but I would later imagine pulling over some where dark and exploring forbidden, carnal desires together.
Many times through those early years I wondered about the pleasures of sucking cock. Why did girls resist it so? It seemed so sensual, so erotic, so very pleasurable. So many times I had been kissing girls, making out and wishing there was a cock between their legs. Nothing could be sexier, I thought, than a boy who dressed and looked like a girl. I dreamed of meeting one, but would I of gone through with it? Sex was one thing, but I could even imagine the sweet, slow pleasure of "making love."
Even though I had imagined it, dreamed about it, thought constantly about it, it was still somehow a surprise when a meet an older guy at one of my first jobs. Surprised by his advances, surprised by how easliy I let myself become seduced. He told me he liked to dress up. I somehow knew what he and that meant and I became so strangely arroused. His touch, so electric, so different than a girls, so much more exciting somehow. I remember not wanting him to stop. I remember the thrill, the anticapation of his hands on me. My cock already so hard by the time he undid my pants, spruang out. There was no hiding my excitement. I remember his excitement, seeing such a young cock stand at attention for him. He shook my world, making me cum harder, longer and more completely than I knew possible. I did not have the nerve to suck him, yet seeing his cock held tightly back by those girly, lacy panties made my cock throb and leak just thinking of it.
Asolutely, my times with him were quilty pleasures. I felt quilty, as if I shouldn't enjoy them so much, crave and desire them so much. However, the forbidden pleasure he gave me. The joy, the shear thrill of filling his eager mouth, cumming down his throat, knowing he craved and swallowed it all. I could not resist. I hoped it would not come out, I just could not help myself. After each and every encounter, I had the same nagging feeling. A missed chance. Each and every missed chance only made my curiousity and lusts grow. But, like other men I imagine, life happened.
Porn would become a type of release and exploration. Starting out, watching pretty girls sucking thick, sexy cock. I wondered which one I was more jealous of, the girl or the guy. Which participant would I most like to be? Deep down, way down, I knew. Quickly, my viewing moved to shemales, Tgirls and ladyboys. The most lovely, sexy, perfect form of sexual fantasy for me. The looks of a woman, the equpment and drive of a man. Eventually, I started to be drawn to gay porn. Eventually, finding even men's asses attractive. Eventually, desiring to be with them.
Walking into a friend's room and finding him naked and asleep in his bed. Looking back, I womdered if he really was asleep or just pretending. Maybe he, like me, layed awake at night yearning to feel a mouth on him. Prehaps even yearning to feel his cock starved mouth on someone. Strange how I can remember it so clesrly. His tight, full balls, his soft cock resting on his abdomen, his well defined head. Did he want me to slide onto his bed? Did he want me to go down on him? To touch him and caress him with my lips and tongue before taking him deep into my mouth and making him rock hard? Sucking on his cock. Moaning around his cock. Making him clench and grasp at his bed sheets, lost in the pleasure. Did he want me to make his legs tense up and shake? To make him cry out in ecstasy as he trembles and explodes.
I will never know, but still I wonder. Still, if I had only had the nerve.
Again, so young amd alone with a teacher. A tall, handsome, masculine teacher. I was never attracted to males, exactly. Yet, I could see how someone might be. Having him stand so close to me as I sat at my desk. I knew how close his cock had to be. I imagined I could even feel it's heat. I imaginec waht it would look like. So big, I thought, so manly. Hanging, thick and soft below his thick mound of dark pubic hair. Did he just press his crotch against me? Did I, subconciously rub my arm agasint him? Did he want me to turn my face towards him? Did he want to free his cock, put his big hand on the back of my head and guide me towards it? Pressing my face to him, breathing in his manly scent, feeling his thick, warm shaft on my face and lips? Did he want to rub that big, thick dick on my ass? If he had pulled it out, what would I of done? Maybe I was ashamed, but I think I know.
Some years later, that wink from another older man. I was so horny, so curious, so sexually charged. Did he see something in me? Was that wink a way of coming onto me? If I had smiled back, if I had followed him around that corner. Would I of eneded up on my knees before him? Would I of let this stranger fill my mouth with his cum? So dirty, so kinky in a back alley. So why then was it such a turn on to think about? Oh, yes, I would of! Why didn't I? He wanted it, I wanted it, although I would not admit it. I was still just too nervous.
Getting my driver's license brought freedom and, regrettably, more missed opportunities. I'd find myself driving by adult bookstores, wondering lustfully what was inside. So horny, so wishing for someone to suck me. Driving by, feeling men's eyes on me. My cock would ache and twitch, such a turn on. At a light, late at night. I knew he had followed me after seeing me pass the bookstore a few times. Too nervous to look over, but I would later imagine pulling over some where dark and exploring forbidden, carnal desires together.
Many times through those early years I wondered about the pleasures of sucking cock. Why did girls resist it so? It seemed so sensual, so erotic, so very pleasurable. So many times I had been kissing girls, making out and wishing there was a cock between their legs. Nothing could be sexier, I thought, than a boy who dressed and looked like a girl. I dreamed of meeting one, but would I of gone through with it? Sex was one thing, but I could even imagine the sweet, slow pleasure of "making love."
Even though I had imagined it, dreamed about it, thought constantly about it, it was still somehow a surprise when a meet an older guy at one of my first jobs. Surprised by his advances, surprised by how easliy I let myself become seduced. He told me he liked to dress up. I somehow knew what he and that meant and I became so strangely arroused. His touch, so electric, so different than a girls, so much more exciting somehow. I remember not wanting him to stop. I remember the thrill, the anticapation of his hands on me. My cock already so hard by the time he undid my pants, spruang out. There was no hiding my excitement. I remember his excitement, seeing such a young cock stand at attention for him. He shook my world, making me cum harder, longer and more completely than I knew possible. I did not have the nerve to suck him, yet seeing his cock held tightly back by those girly, lacy panties made my cock throb and leak just thinking of it.
Asolutely, my times with him were quilty pleasures. I felt quilty, as if I shouldn't enjoy them so much, crave and desire them so much. However, the forbidden pleasure he gave me. The joy, the shear thrill of filling his eager mouth, cumming down his throat, knowing he craved and swallowed it all. I could not resist. I hoped it would not come out, I just could not help myself. After each and every encounter, I had the same nagging feeling. A missed chance. Each and every missed chance only made my curiousity and lusts grow. But, like other men I imagine, life happened.
Porn would become a type of release and exploration. Starting out, watching pretty girls sucking thick, sexy cock. I wondered which one I was more jealous of, the girl or the guy. Which participant would I most like to be? Deep down, way down, I knew. Quickly, my viewing moved to shemales, Tgirls and ladyboys. The most lovely, sexy, perfect form of sexual fantasy for me. The looks of a woman, the equpment and drive of a man. Eventually, I started to be drawn to gay porn. Eventually, finding even men's asses attractive. Eventually, desiring to be with them.
1 year ago
