Part two of my crossdressing-my teen years

Soooooooo where did we leave off.....oh yeah hav just run away from home at 14....
Yes it seemed a good idea at the time,I should have that on my gravestone!As some will know,being homeless isnt as glamorous as they make out,starving is a strange feeling,nothing like being hungry,wondering where you next meal will come from,will there be another meal even,waking up by having your head kicked in by nobheads,having petrol thrown on you trying to set you on fire simply becouse youre homeless,being woken up by rats knawing on you becouse they think youre garbage,yes not at all glamorous.
You do grow up quick!But the homeless lasses had it even worse poor souls.
I found it nice though being a ghost,as you are totally invisible to everyone else when you are homelss,dont know why but I enjoyed being a ghost.I liked that bit.
Anyway enough whining,this is about crossdressing.....so yes,I was lucky,I was able to get a job labouring on building sites after a few months as I lied about my age so I had money for food and a warmer coat!
I met a girl-Dee,and we started going out together.
She was the exact same height as me,same eye colour,same little boobs,same size chest waist,hips,and had long legs like me.We were exactly the same,same facial features only she had long brown hair I had blonde.We even had the same size feet,which would come in handy later stealing her high heels.Well,saves me having to buy some hehe.
She described herself as 50% gay 50% straight but if push came to shove she would lean towards cock,as she loved to be screwed.She was a LOT more experienced than me,she'd bedded her cousin and lost her virginity to him,but had bedded a lot of girls,where all I had done was kiss a couple of girls,snogged quite a few older boys wanked them off etc but thats all.So she was certainly the one calling the shots.
Anyway,once she found out I was in fact homeless her mother took me in which was so very kind of her,such a lovely women.To this day I havent forgotten that kindness.
And thats where we will start.......their house was a lot warmer than the streets of Sheffield thats for sure!
After me and the girlfriend Dee had gone out for 6 months she finally let us do it.I thought "I like this!!!I will be doing THAT again!"
So did.
A lot.Three times a day every day,we were like rabbits.Not a good thing probably.
It wasnt really a boy girl relationship,as we were more like mates,friends,girlfriends actually.As many a time I would be sat on the floor doing the cosmo quiz with her sat on the bed as she braided my hair,or put it into bunches (cute!) or a french plat as thats different from a normal plat aparently.Even when I had to go to work Id be trying to unplat it and couldnt,she would be in histerics as I told her to undo it as had to go to work and couldnt with my hair in a plat!Chasing it around like a dog chases its tail trying to undo it to no avail,and she would get more and more helpless with laughter the madder I got.
Women.lol
Odly it was doing the cozmo quiz' "what kind of woman are you" that I found out I was "classy but slutty".I always knew I was slutty,but never knew I was classy.Nice.Dee was just slutty which made her so mad,and had me in fits on the floor.hehehe.
That was what it was like though,no acting or pretence,I was always just myself with her even though a lot of the time she would cry out "youre such a girl!" like when I always folded everything up and put it away,or wiped the surfaces down,or just saying "I love that dress" to a picture in the cozmo.She was heard to tell her friends on the phone when being quizzed what her new boyfriend was like,she simply said "shes a girl with a cock".
Funny thing is,at the time I resented it,yet now many years later after believing I was a freak of nature for most of my life,I think she summed me up perfectly well after all,as thats the best description of what Im like,and yes that really is what I am I think.
Like many teens it was a time of firsts.
We had been messing about on the bed,when she stopped,got that wicked glint in her eye,and that smirk that I would soon learn meant I was in for something...She jumped off,went over the wardrobe opened it and drabbed one of her black dresses and a pair of her high heels.
"put these on" she said with that wicked smile of hers.I was all no way never in a million years,not a chance..."
Yes,that will work not.
"Come on,put them on......please......pretty please....."
Theres that urge inside to slip on a dress again,I had long forgot that urge,I had thought that was in the past now,how wrong I was.
I really wanted to,the dress was gorgeous,tight slinky strechy with a split up the side to the waist almost.I couldnt help it...."ok...but DONT LAUGH!"
She passed me the dress and shoes,then threw a pair of stockings,then a black bra,then a pair of suspenders at me "come on,get em on then....you know you want to" she purred."ok......just dont laugh....well get out then not putting them on infront of you!" I answered.
She went out,and I slipped a leg into the stocking........oh yes.Its an amazing feeling,so silky soft on your smooth legs,and the way they hold you and squeeze you......oh yes this is the stuff of dreams.I know I sound daft,but its like your clothes are loving you.I cant think of any other way to describe it.They love you,dont care who you are,what you look like,they just love you by holding you,making you feel happy,good,blissful and randy as hell!Cant beat womens clothing,just cant.
So I put it all on and slipped my stockinged feet into the high heels,I tried a few steps,wobbled,nearly fell over "heel toe heel toe and ......strut" I told myself,as thats how you walk in high heels,anyone will tell you that,thats the secret,just strut its the only way.
I sat on the bed,crossed my legs,well double crossed my legs as I can do that,looks weird but its comfy,the split in the dress fell open revealing my stocking tops.Classy?Nope not be,defo slutty hehe.
I called her in...she stood in the doorway just staring open mouthed,Im nervous as hell praying she wont laugh,that would have killed me if she had...."well say something" was all I could come up with.She stuttered "you look...you look just like a girl!Cant believe it..."
Then before I could answer "yeah right" she rushed over to the bed,shoved me back onto the pillows,threw herself ontop of me and snogged me.Only not like before,this was different so different.It was deep,so passionate,intense,nothing like we had kissed before.
If you want to know what I mean,watch a video of a man and woman kissing.Yep got that...ok now watch a video of two girls 'deep kissing' as its called.Thats the difference!Its like comparing a nissan micra with a GT40.
I was definetly the passive one here,she was in control,massive passion hands everywhere,rubbing my arms,hair oh my...Im just melting,then her hands went down to my boobs,I had put socks in the bra to give me bigger boobs and she could tell,as just immediatly moved her hands down to my legs,stroking them,then pulled the dress to one side and started to stroke my stocking tops and bare thighs.This put her into over drive,it was like she was trying to climb down my throat.I put my thigh up between her legs and she was sopping wet,drenched,and she started to grind her puss up and down my thigh and suspender clasp.I could feel how wet she was,Id never got her that wet before thats for sure.
She then spread my legs and put her hand down my silky knickers,I had tucked so it felt and looked like a real girls,which drove her even more passionate as she pretended to rub my clit,or where one would be if I had one for real.
She came massively on my leg in no time.Not once did she stop kissing me.I was loving all this,it felt right,just right.I loved being kissed as if I was a real girl,to be treated like one,it made me so happy,like my heart was singing.
I couldnt wait any longer.I rolled her onto her back,shes still panting like a dog,I pulled her pants to one side and I got my cock out and shoved it in.It didnt take me long to cum either,as she was feeling my bum and stocking tops,bare thighs all the while Im pounding her.I know what shes imagining,she is imagining Im a girl with a strap on,thats what she is thinking.
I came.What was different,was there was so much more than usual,loads,it was like it wasnt going to stop,and it was powerful too,I now I do recoil when I come,I do buck quite badly when I cum,but this was way worse.Oh yes we are doing this again!!!

Anyway me and Dee were at it like rabbits,but it was always good,great even,but not as good as when I was in girl clothes,then it took on a much more intense display.It was great we were exactly the same as I could pinch her clothes or shoes and suprise her when she got in.Always went down well.It was always so much more even more emotional.
She loved me being in full on girl mode too,and we used to mess about doing each others makeup,playing dress up,doing each others hair...I adored all that.It was so me and made us both so happy.So the crossdressing thing became the norm and took off like I couldnt have believed.

Another first was the first time I was used as a doll.My orders were to stand there like a mindless doll and not move.So I stood naked,as she brushed my hair and put it up,applied makeup to me,and started to slowly dress me in stockings and high heels,then some dress or miniskirt and top.As you can tell we did this a LOT.
It was such a huge turn on,my cock felt like it was going to explode,so erotic yet relaxing,intense yet sensual,especially when shes in your face putting your lipstick or eyeshadow on and you can see into her eyes and feel her breath on your face,but you cant move or act or touch.So intense.Sensual.Just wonderful.Loved it.Oh yeah.
Plus I loved being a mindless doll,I loved not thinking,as all the crap from the previous years went,and I liked the idea of being nothing more than someones play thing,or sex doll,and not having to think.

Dee was lovely,so so lovely,I adored her,we were so much alike in every respect,but she did have a dark streak which came out now and again which I didnt like.It first showed when she had a row with a lass accross the road,and she just punched her out.I didnt like that,so she got a right gob full afterwards,after Id helped the other poor lass up and took her back home.I hated that,still do and there was no reason for that.
But that dark streak reapeared over the years now and again.

Another first,was acting out.Im actually really shy,crippling shy,plus I cant really say no,I really struggle with that.Plus I have little to no confidence at the best of times and doesnt take much to rob me of what little I have.
But I also have a massive sex drive,its not a good thing honestly.Thats got me into some trouble I can tell you.Im also not an exhibitionist really,I love being exposed,but not exposing myself if you see what I mean.So it was a bit haphazard playing out scenarios with her at first,but we eventually got comfy in each others company to a point where we could talk to each other with just a look.
Anywa we did the usual doctor nurse thing,I was the nurse she was the doctor so I would have to do whatever she wanted to,or we did the teacher pupil,I was the female pupil ofcourse.It was usually always her in charge,and she would do all kinds of things to me.In some ways I loved being treated as a girl,that is how she treated me she never once touched my cock or even wanted it on show,it always had to be inside my silk knickers.I think its becouse thats how I saw myself,not sure.All I know is I loved being talked to and treated and make love to like a girl even though it was with another girl.
When I was in charge which wasnt often,she would be the school girl and I would the teacher,I used to get my own back,whatever she had done to me,I would do to her.Yes she was pervy like me,but her bum was always out of bounds,where mine was like open house for her.Not really fair I dont think.
She also came up with lots of fantasies and I would try and make them happen.Like she wanted to do it in front of the class,so I arranged the bedroom with little chairs stools and little tables,and used her massive collection of cuddlies for pupils,and I would dress up like one of her teachers and away we would go,say using her for sex education lessons,like she was a live model.Must admit I enjoyed acting out her fantasies.
We used to take pictures of us both as well,but only softcore as back then we had to send off the pix to be developed so it was lingerie or swimsuit shots only.I would never pose unless in girl mode though as I couldnt bare to see myself in boy mode.
Another first was going to the mucky shop together.That was Yorkshire for 'sex shop'.For some weird reason anything to do with sex is known as 'mucky'.
They couldnt have found a creepier owner though,urgh."Do you party?" was his greeting.Whats that even mean?I dont know to this day.
We had a nosey around,Dee was in the bondage section looking at whips and strap ons etc,I was looking at mags.They had those new 'gay' mags with blokes kissing blokes in them that I had heard rumours about,as 'gay' had just been invented aparently,but the gossip on the streets was it was catching so I had better not touch the gay mags or I might catch it.Oh no.I really cant say more sarcastically than that.
I know I know.People dont have come out with some crap sometimes.
They also had mags of older women,oh yes please.Ive ALWAYS had a thing for older women,always.Hell I even married one eventually.But no crossdressing mags,so again I thought Im the only one who dresses up as a girl in the world.Again Im made to feel a freak of nature,that theres something wrong with me.Same old same old isnt it.
Anyway Dee bought some whips toys and some lingerie,I bought a couple of older women mags for a perv over later.Downhearted was how I felt walking out,I think I was kinda hoping there would be something for me,some crossdressing mags as I cant be the only one that does this crossdressing thing,surely.But looks like I am.
It was about now the dark streak started to show itself.Id be dressed in stockings and high heels,minidress or something as usual and little to no makeup on as I was rubbish at makeup.Still am!Dee would be calling the shots as usual,trying the new dildos out on me,tying me up and trying the whips out on me.
So that was a first,hadnt been whipped before!Well not with a real whip.
I liked it mostly.Didnt think I would,but I am open minded I will always try something to see if I like it or not.I had my hands tied above my head,the usual blue bra,blue suspenders and matching blue french knickers,with black lace around the edges,and stockings high heels as usual,anything to make me taller lol.I loved this lingerie set,it was so girly yet grown up if that makes sense.I wasnt even 16 yet but I was a LOT older in my head.Thats what living on the streets of Sheffield does to you.
Back to the plot...she whipped my breasts first,softly at first till I said "give it some then" as that wasnt doing anything for me.
Why am I so stupid....
So she yanked my bra down and really laid into me.That hurt!I have really,really sensitive nipples.theyre only small but do get erect real easily,it doesnt take much and there they went which made it hurt even more.Plus my nipples for some strange reason are hot wired to my cock,as when theyre played with or sucked,I get butterflies in my cock.A weird,but lovely feeling.
So having them whipped hurt like hell,yet still getting the lovely butterflies in my cock at the same time,what an odd feeling that was,certainly a contrast!
Then she rolled me over and laid into my back.That I liked.The sting,followed by that hot feeling where it hit,then like a glow.Oh yeah.Then my bum got it.She held me down with her foot on the small of my back while really laying into my bum.I thought you can do that all day love.Oh and I love wearing an evening dress with a really low back on it after a good whipping on my back,showing off all the red stipes so everyone can see what has been done to me.Its shameful,but hot in an odd way.
Now as any one will tell you,you cannot cross dress with french knickers,doesnt matter if you tuck or not,if youre well endowed or not,matters not a jot,as it will fall out at some point.It just will.Nothing you can do,it just will.
So as she turned me over onto my back again,the sheets stung my back from the whipping stripes,and ofcourse my cock fell out rock hard.Her face changed,red,angry...."I dont want to see that!" and started to really lay into it with the whip.This wasnt the little whip,it was the big one.She really gave it hell,I cried out but she just put her hand over my mouth and carried on,like I didnt matter.
It was now I realised I liked having my cock hit,becouse as she stopped she grabbed it hard in her hand and growled again "keep it in your knickers!"
Wow.Her just holding it firmly felt amazing.The hits of the whip stung like a bee sting,then theres the immediate hot glow as you know and the throbbing,then if you grab your freshly whipped cock it makes that grab feel ten times more.Just so much more!
Its like....you know when you give yourself a treat,a wank.Well when you treat yourself,its nice,it does the job,it empties the shopping bags,and yes its nice.
Now....if you try it again,where your little finger is,there is a prominent vein just below it,put your little finger on it and apply pressure,now give yourself a treat.See what I mean?That finger compresses the vein,and as you move your hand up and down it 'pops' as its compressed and released over and over again.See how much more it is?Its like ten times better.This was the same kinda thing.

Oh pix are back from the developers!Yaay.We would grab the envelope and rush upstairs to open it.Dee would be on the bed,I would be on the floor as usual.She would always be the first to look through them,flushed and excited knowing someone had seen us like that was defo a turn on for her,she did love people looking at her.Trouble was if I looked better than her in one of her dresses or swimsuits,bikini etc. she would always just throw it at me and scowl like it was my fault or something and have a go at me or put me down.Which was never nice.

Another first was being shagged.
Up to this point,the older boys at school who used to mess about with me used to pretend to shag me,but never had.I had been screwed with all kinds of things,and Dee had shoved fruit veggies,pens rulers,kitchen utensils etc up me but had never shagged me till now.She had bought from the mucky shop a strap on.Id never seen one before.It was huge!(it wasnt huge,it just seemed it as it was my first time)
I thought I will never take that as I struggled to take a cucumber.Had to smirk as I watched her trying to put it on,trying to work out what strap went where.So funny.
She was good,she was good at sex no doubt about that.As she didnt just come at me and give me one,she put on her jeans and tucked it away,put her boots on and a top so she looked like a boy,especially when she put her hair up.That was the first time I saw her as a boy.Im dressed really girly as usual,and she came over sat on the bed and started chatting me up which was funny as she was trying to do a gruff voice like a bloke and doing all the usual lines.I couldnt help but giggle and go bright red as it seemed I liked being chatted up.Never happened before.It just used to be getting grabbed and that was it.
I gave in after a while and let her snog me as I couldnt bear any more blokeish behavoir,so funny.That was the first time I had a girl,acting and looking like a boy shagging me when I was dressed as a girl.Not easy getting your head around that.Confused.Err yeah.
But I enjoyed it soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.It hurt as she put it in me,she had lubed it to get it in as thats all I need,as I have a bum like a pussy.It gets wet.Very wet.It tastes like pussy juice too.Before you think Im a total freak of nature,I know of another,not a cd but a trans in Texas who also has a fully functioning pussy for a bum.So Im not the only freak out there.
But yes it is just like one,it gets wet when its turned on,the more turned on I get the wetter it gets,really turned on it goes creamy.And its like a pussy in that it goes straight up and a slight bend forwards,and is ribbed on the back and sides,yet textured at the front with a little hook around for the g spot.Yes I do have female orgasms through it too.I know its weird but thats me.Only diff is I cant get pregnant,I know that for a fact as I used to stick my own cock up my bum and give myself a treat just to see what it was like to have someone cum in me,as I did used to do all kinds of experiments on myself when I was little.
Yes I do love that too,being cummed in,it feels so hot,not warm like when it hits your face,but hot but no way as hot as someone peeing in you.Thats like lava!
Anyway I digress...so she pushed the head of the strap on in me to initially 'pop' me open,and I do love being 'popped open',it sends like a sexy nervy shock wave up through my body.Love it.I get giddy at that.
Yes it hurt a bit as it was bloody big,well for me it was,and it took her a few thrusts to work it in all the while Im trying to back away from it as it hurt.But as usual I didnt matter,she just grabbed my waist and held me firm as she pushed it slowly all the way in.It felt like she was poking my stomach.After a few thrusts I was wet,very wet which made it slide in and out easier,and then I went 'big'.I am fairly tight,ish,but when I get really turned on my bum just seems to suddenly relax and go big.Then it makes really loud sloppy sounds as Im screwed,which really embarresses me,as I dont like anyone knowing they have got me that turned on,I dont know why though,its what Im like.
She could tell how turned on I was from the sloppy sounds as she grinned and started to really screw me hard and fast as she held my legs as far apart as they would go,then she would move her hands back to my waist to pull me onto it even more.
I have to say she was the only girl who knew how to shag someone really well.
I didnt know what to make of it really,I loved being shagged no doubt about that,I loved having something in me,but this was more like having her inside me which was seriously wow.Id been in her,she had been around me,but this was the first time she had been in me.Oh wow.It made it so intimate meaningful even spiritual as we were like one being now not two lost souls groping at each other in a cold dark hard world hoping to feel something.This was amazing,us two together.
She really pounded me well and I knew something was happening,as I could feel that feeling deep,deep inside growing.Anal orgasms.I know not everyone has them,it depends how many sensory nerve cells you have back there,luck of the draw I suppose,but its wonderful.Its the same as a female orgasm.It builds and builds and then just bursts deep through your body upwards and outwards.Its so emotional,not like cumming with your cock,thats great dont get me wrong,I love to cum,but this was the same feeling,only not concentrated in just one region,this goes through your whole body and mind.Amazing.
So that was the first time I was shagged by a girl,dressed as a boy,and a boy,dressed as a girl.Lol work that one out.
What I didnt know,is that if Im bent over and given a good pounding long enough and Im positioned just right,just the right amount of bend in my back I can have a continuous orgasm,it doesnt stop........ten minutes....15.....and then I lose conscienceness.She thought she had killed me first time I passed out while she was giving me what for.She soon cottoned on to that fact,and that being screwed standing up made me come continuously,always does,then Im just a ragdoll,hands down by my sides as she pounds away uncaring,holding me up by a belt round my neck like a dog on a leash.

I still hadnt had a real cock in me,but that would come later.
Another first...by now her strap on and her going into 'boy mode' was her favorite hobby,with me being on the receiving end.I was getting shagged three times a week,so I was getting loose,so loose she could now put her hand in me up to her wrist and use me as a sock puppet.It was strange though,feeling her fingers waggling around so deep inside me though,like it was below my heart just.It wasnt,just felt like that.Weird.But not as weird as her looking up at me and saying "I can feel your heart beating!"Yikes.

That dark streak showed up now and again though,like we would be snogging,her hands in my hair which just makes me melt like you wouldnt believe,if anyone gets their hands in my hair they can do anything to me!I adore having my hair played with,it makes all my neck and back tingly and totally relaxes me,Im like a rag doll.
So Im totally melted into her arms,as she slides her hands down my neck and starts to strangle me,Im gaspiing and trying to release her grip,and she just tightens it.I finally get her to let go and I give her a right glare as I gasp for air and all I get is "sorry hadnt realised".Hmm yeah right.
Another time she was in boy mode with her strap on and told me to get on my knees as she was going to teach me how to suck a mans cock off.
I did point out that Id never need to know that,and all I got in reply was "just get on yer knees,youre such a girl sometimes urgh".
So she would show me how to stroke it through her jeans,how to unzip with my teeth,and how to lick and suck a cock to make them cum.I thought Im never going to need to know this,when she grabbed my head and shoved it down my throat,or tried to.It was too big but I could feel it at the back of my throat,and made me gag and choke.I tried to pull back,but she just pulled my head in even tighter and growled "take it".I pushed it away and again glared at her,and she just slapped me hard accross my face.I was shocked and I could feel my eyes watering up and my mascara starting to run as I held my hot cheek.Just shocked at that.I thought she loved me so why?She said "sorry I just got carried away".Like that made it ok.Not happy.
I really didnt like that side of her,and didnt care for her boy mode,I loved it best when we were both in girl mode.It was so much fun,so nice,loving frenzied and my fave...passionate and giggles and just fun.Above all,fun...and passion!
Cant have enough passion.
So that was the first time I had sucked a cock,albeit a rubber one.

Another first was going out dressed.I had done that before when I was little but this time seemed different.She wanted me to wear stockings high heels and her tiny minidress,and it was tiny!It only just covered my bum.I protested as I hadnt learnt by now I didnt matter,she wanted to walk me around the block dressed like that showing everyone my stocking tops as I walked.I really didnt want to.It was dark,winter,cold and late on so wouldnt be anyone around.I was too nervous and worried as I thought if someone sees me,here we go again...they will start to try and kick my head in,I will fight back,then its me in the cells again for the night.Great.
But like I said,she always got her way as next thing we are sneaking downstairs as her mom hadnt gone dancing like she usually did twice a week,so we had to be sneaky,then out the door and onto the road.Nerves nerves nerves.Im shaking like a leaf,yet turned on and feeling highly sexy and aroused which being dressed in girls clothes always did for me.
She grabbed me,put her arm around me and we set off around the block.Clack clack clack went my heels on the pavement,so loud,deafening even I thought.Everyone in the world must hear them.
All the while Im trying to pull my dress down,and ofcourse Im tucked as its a tight minidress and I dont want anyone to see a tell tale bulge.Ever walked with a hard on tucked between your legs held in place with tiny silky knickjed and in high heels?Not easy is it.
So we walked down the road,Im shaking badly but strangely loving it,odd,all the while Im looking around hoping no one is around.Phew all quiet on the western front.
Shes stroking and fondling my stocking tops and bum as we walk along,then we round the corner,again coast is clear we are ok so far....shes smiling like the chesire cat,shes loving this.Then she put her other hand up my dress,yanked my panties to one side and out if fell,rock hard as usual."Show the world what you are" she hissed as she started to make me walk along with my cock hanging out and you couldnt exactly have missed it I felt.As we went round the next corner up past the main road,still coast is clear...just as a car went past.Oh crap!I tried to hide my cock by pulling my dress down but she stopped me and grabbed my cock "dont panic!Urgh such a girl...." as she led me on by my cock.It was one of the few times she had actually held it she usualy had nothing to do with it till it was time to put it in her.
Another car coming.......arggghhh.....worse,its coming towards us!Panic!But she wouldnt have it,just kept struting along never letting go of my cock.I put my hand in front to try and hide it best I could as we carried on.Im just dying inside now,nerves getting the best of me but we finally manage to round the last corner then home.Safety at last.Phew.
So that was the first time I had been exposed in public while being dressed.Afterwards as Id thought about it,I had liked being exposed like that.I dont like to expose myself at all,not even a little,but having someone else expose me,oh yeah.Dont know why its so different though.
"I enjoyed that didnt you?" she asked,"errr ..........no."
But I knew it was going to lead to something and it did.By now we had jobs,its a couple of years later and it was fancy dress down the local pub.
Here we go.....yep no suprise she wanted me to go dressed as a girl,makeup the works and she wanted the same.As not long before one of her friends said we looked like sisters,twins even,which set her off.Cue sex fantasies being played out where we are both twins experimenting.SO predictable she was sometimes.
I ofcourse said no way,never in a million years,no way no chance end of.
Seriously no way.
So on the night of the fancy dress as she did my hair and makeup,I was absolutely crapping myself.She had gone all Cleopatra,dyed her hair black and done Cleo makeup,she looked stunning I have to say,and her cleopatra costume looked fantastic even though it didnt leave much to the imagination,well nothing really.
Me,I was Kelly Bundy.I had had a thing for Kelly Bundy for ages,she had THE most beautiful face and eyes I have ever seen,and I wanted to be her so much.
I know when people watch tv they usually want to be Clint Eastwood or something.I always wanted to be the showgirl,or lead actress or chorus girl,never once the male role.Everyone wanted to be like Sid Viscous or Elvis,I wanted to be Blondie.Same with books,everyone wanted to be Aragorn out of Lord of the Rings,I wanted to be Alice out of Alice in wonderland.BTW thats where my love of Alicebands for my hair comes from,I still havent grown out of it even now.
So Dee did my makeup just like Kellys,she was so talanted at makeup unlike me,and she had somehow used it to change how my face looked,she had changed its shape to be more ilke Kellys.Ive no idea how she did that,and got my hair which always has a mind of its own styled like hers too,and ten tons of hairspray later to keep it like that,then on went stockings and red minidress same as Kellys in one of the episodes of Married with c***dren.Bad choice.Minidress way too short so out came the tights.Urgh hate tights.Hate them so much.But didnt have a choice as the minidress was a little short so had to go with tights.Urgh I know.Gross.Urgh.I like to feel available,vunerable,easily accessable,open when I go out,it turns me on so much,whereas tights urgh,yuck,feel all closed in and out of reach.Urgh.Yucky.Dont like feeling like that.
Can you tell I really dont like tights?But on the plus side when you tuck you know its not going to fall out when you least want it to!
Then came a suprise,Dee passed me a box with a huge smile and said "happy birthday".
"Its not my birthday" I replied,"I know,but happy birthday anyway stupid..."
I opened the box,it was a brand new pair of stilleto heels.Shiny bright red to match my minidress,pointed toe which made my feet look bigger as I only have tiny size 6 feet (is that us size 5?not sure),and a whopping five and a half inch heel.I know Dee wore six inch heels,but I cant walk in them,theyre only good for pointing at the ceiling.
I loved my highheels,they were gorgeous.
I slipped them on and walked around in them to get used to them.Oh yeah.They shoved my bum out a little,and made me look tall.Yaay.Yep always wanted to be a tall gorgeous show girl,always.Shame everyone was still was taller than me.I know I give up.
Dee then handed me a matching red cluch bag for my fags and wads and we were ready.Absolutely crapping myself.Clenched.Nervous like never before.I looked in the mirror and loved what she had done to my hair and face,I did look nothing like Kelly Bundy,but she was beautiful,I wasnt.But I didnt look too gross I thought.
So off we set.Head wheeling like mad,clack clack clack of our heels on the street deafening as usual,brain going ten to the dozen working out what to do if so and so attacks us becouse Im a boy in a dress,or if his mate goes for me with his knife,or if them lot usually in the corner start something wheres the best place to defend from....its ridiculous I know.I always thought I shouldnt have to think these things.
I shouldnt have to work out stragegies for not if,but when we are attacked for being different.As Joanna Jet once famously said "I should be able to go out to a bar for a quiet drink and NOT have my head kicked in".Couldnt agree more.
It might be different this time,as we had the cover of fancy dress,but these people knew who we were,I went to school with most of them,they knew me and I knew them so that would keep most of them in check.But a lot were old blokes,pit moggies and steel workers,big hard tough sods,how are they going to react to a boy in a dress.Not good Im thinking.
But I wasnt too worried as Dee had said "look its not a plastic dagger,its a real one" and it was,"I can protect your honour" and laughed.I wasnt laughing I know what its like being on the receiving end.
Anyway I thought,shouldnt be a problem,everyone will be looking at Dee as she hardly had any clothes on.She did look good,couldnt wait to get her home and give her what for.She looked stunning.High heel strappy lacey sandle boot thingies,bare legs,and you know what Princess Leia wore in Return of the Jedi,it was the same as that only black and gold,and the skimpiest bra top ever,from the side you could see everything,and this lovely snakey crown thing in her hair and gold dangly earings.Stunning,and a totally convincing Cleopatra.
As we got there,she held the door,turned round grinned and pulled that skirty thing to one side and said "Ive no pants on" and giggled.
So everything was hanging out,as from the side you could see her pubic mound and bum cheeks,nipples,she may as well as gone naked.I thought she will give some old sod a heart attack.
As an aside,I loved her Cleo look,so much so that I asked her to make me look like that.She bought a black wig for me and did my makeup and just fell about laughing."you look like a Panda".She was helpless with laughter.
I Iooked in the mirror and well....yes.Heavy makup does not suit me at all,even a little.Less is more works for me.Plus I freaked myself out as with black hair I looked exactly like my Aunty M!There isnt enough therapy in the world for that.Needless to say Ive been blonde ever since.I once dyed it red,that wasnt good as I looked just like my cousin Helen,and once a redish brown,but then I looked just like my sister.Again,wont be doing that again lol.
Anyway back to the plot....we went into the pub,standing room only as usual as the pubs were always packed at the weekend.Which is good,as not easy to have a fight when you cant move so we might be ok.
We made,pushed our way to the bar and waited our turn to be served.Im dying ofcourse,drenched in sweat,nervous as anything.I just want to die.Most were gawping at Dee,especially her nips as they were rock hard for some reason,but then so were mine as I hadnt got a bra on,so just my little girl boobs and pokies.Not the biggest in the world but you cant miss them.Just made me feel embarrassed.I got some looks which made me even more nervous and self conscience.
Yikes.Here we go....but no.
No one starting anything,saying anything,hmmm odd.
As when we had gone out and Id been in boy mode,almost every time someone had started something.It wasnt just Sheffield,but happened in Rotherham too.Punch up every time.Every time someone would start on me.I was always stood in a corner or sat down,sipping my pint,or walking to the bus station home,and some idiots would always start a fight,simply becouse I look girly.
You see in my mind,I have boy mode and girl mode.In my head they are very different.In girl mode Im just myself naturally,I talk normally behave normally,Im just in girls clothing thats all.But in my head I still look like a boy,even though I didnt.
When in boy mode,Im like grizzled hairy (Im actually smooth all over apart from pubic mound) tatooed manly growly and look totally macho manly and behave as such.In reality,I sound the same,still look like a girl,sound like one,act like one.The only thing thats different is I have my hair in a pony tail.Thats it.Really.
But in my head Im totally different depending on what mode Im in.Boy mode is just dockers,skin tight jeans so you cant miss it,no denying Im male,and usually a skin tight t shirt or more usually a vest so you can see my little girl boobs and pokies easily,and my little waist and hips I guess too,and sticky out bum too.But in my head,totally macho manly.
Never once when dressed as a girl did I have any trouble.Not once.I had been groped and fingered,smacked on the arse a few times,snogged whether I wanted to or not,had the back of my skirt lifted up for everyone in the pub to see what Ive got on offer once or twice but never been attacked.But in boy mode,every week usually.
Seriously,why should I have my head kicked in becouse I have long blonde hair,or have my face slashed by a stanley knife becouse I have big blue eyes and pouty redish lips.Or stabbed becouse I have a girly figure but a have a cock,or shot becouse Im little and sound and act like a girl?Do I really deserve that simply becouse of the way I look?Just becouse I have a cock as well?Its not like I can help the way I was born,or be the way I am.Thats me.Im little,Im girly,I like girly things,I have a girly figure,I look girly and have girly hair.I cant help it you know.But do I really deserve to have some dickheads try to kill me becouse I was born with a cock as well?Becouse when in girl mode,which is when I let my hair down and thats about it,and have a dress on,never a problem.So if you cant see my cock,Im ok then.But if you can see it,I deserve to be killed?Really?
Can anyone explain the reasoning behind that please,becouse I would love to know why.
I was looking at some old pictures from about this time,and in one I have a patch on my shoulder where I was stabbed,another my arm bandaged up from being slashed,black eye and busted lip in another,arm bandaged up again and in a sling from being shot.....ridiculous.To be shot on the street,outside a pub in Sheffield simply becouse I must be a boy becouse you cant miss my bulge in my jeans but look like a girl.......I mean really?!
And they wonder why I fight back with such hate and anger till they are crying like little babies....and then its me being arrested!I give up.
Anyway ranting aside......errr yes.Clearly I have no issues at all lol.
So yes we were standing at the bar,got our drinks and squeezed our way carefully to the wall as I like backs against the wall,being careful not to spill anyones pint,as it was still a hanging offence back then.
We stood,really close together looking around and making small talk like "I cant believe youve not got any knickers on"."it feels breezy!" and such like."You look hot" she said,as usual I replied "yeah right".I always thought I looked gross,"I like the makeup you did,looks really good,and love yours" I added.She smiled and said "Im sopping wet!"We laughed.Clearly she was enjoying everything hanging out and on show plus everyone staring at her.Pervert.
We really were like twins in many ways.
Lots of blokes where eyeing her up ofcourse and one old woman was looking at her like daggers.If looks could kill.I told Dee,she looked round and saw her,and just said "she hasnt been happy since a house fell on her sister".I laughed which helped me to calm down a bit as I was still expecting to be lynched.Then she said "I think youve pulled" and nodded towards some old fella.I looked and yes,theres no mistaking someone having a perv,but weirdly he was looking at me.I was suprised at that.If only he knew what was between my legs I thought.
After a couple of pints I relaxed and we chatted together and had a laugh when one of my old mates from school walked past us,he saw Dee and said "ey up Dee hows it going" then just glanced at me and said "allright" (its acually pronounced "o reyt" in our language) I replied the same.He stopped,looked round as he had recognised my voice and just stared for a moment puzzled....then realized it was me dressed as a girl.
"Bloody hell you scrub up well!",then paused,looked me up and down,"bloody hell didnt think it was you".
I replied "fancy dress mate" to try and give a good reason as to why Im in a dress,to which he laughed and joked "you always were a soppy girl".
Just harmless banter,always enjoyed banter.
"See told you it would be ok" said Dee trying to reasure me,or to prove she was right as aways.
The old blokes still perving over me,must be a leg man.I will say one thing for tights,they make my legs look even longer than stockings do.Other than that,hate them.
By the third pint Im talking for England,totally relaxed as nothing had gone off and everyone was having a laugh and talking away,and some fella had come as a pink fairy so I wasnt the only one there.
By ten we were all well lubricated,I loved this time,I would come to call it happy hour,between half ten and half eleven,everyones pissed,inhibitions are all out the window and people are their real selves,and Im loving being in full on girl mode and not a care in the world by that time.
I always went to the bar if I could,as loved squeezing between all the blokes "excuse me","coming through" "excuse me please"....thats me going to the bar as I put my hands on their shoulders or arms to let them know Im there,as a lot of the time they dont know Im down there.Even in heels Im still only chest height.
I always loved the replies of "sorry luv" "come on luv" "there you go luv",always luv,or treacle,sweetheart or darlin.Always made me smile,and I always made sure I gave them a big smile and a thank you,and I adored placing my hand softly on their shoulder or arm.It made me feel nice inside.
Ofcourse there was always the "sorry luv didnt see you down there".Ok Im small.I know!Cheeky gits.lol
Ofcourse they would give you just enough room to squeeze through but you would have to brush past their cocks in their trousers.Im sure they did it on purpose.I didnt really mind as I love to make people happy,so Im only too happy to oblige as I slowly rub past them usually bum towards them.You could sometimes feel it on the small of your back as you slinked past them which was a bit of a thrill.
Dee didnt mess about like me though,she just marched up to the bar "shift" "shift" "move it or loose it" "come on shift yer arse".And that I think is why cozmo quiz didnt think she was classy hehehe.Oh I never let her forget that dont you worry.Yes I am that small minded and petty lol.
Sometimes I would feel a hand on my bum as I stood at the bar,or it being squeezed while waiting to be served,Id look round and all the blokes are just staring innocently ahead.Hmmm I wonder which one is the perv....
Again I didnt mind,I liked being touched,made me feel nice,wanted even.
Time for a pee...I made my way to the toilets and dilema....boys or girls.....well Im dressed like one,I like to think Im one,ish...err..sort of ...err....but I am a boy so boys it is.I walked in and the old fella in the unrinal nearly died!The look of shock on his face as some blonde lass walks into the mens toilets.I saw his shock and just said "huge cue for the ladies" like that was the reason for me being there.Well normal girls used to do that all the time so why cant I.I clacked into the stall,sat down,had a fight with the tights to get them down,then another fight getting them back up and not wrapped around my knickers.I shouldnt have worn any knickers in hindsight.But managed to sort myself out eventually.
I went back out,and fought my way to the bar again,squeezing my body past all the blokes "thank you....thanks....excuse me....thank you..." someone just grabbed my arse again....that one was hard...
Why is it that my bum always came in for all the attention,never boobs or front bits or legs,always my bum.
That was my first time out then.Loved it after I had had a few beers ofcourse.Weirdly not a problem,no one started on me,not attacked me or anything.They had all talked to me like a lass,had they really seen me as a lass?I found it hard to believe,but Dee said on the way back that they had infact thought that,as one of her mates had asked who she (me) was.I couldnt didnt believe it.Seemed too good to be true.But yes,not a problem at all.
Odd.
So from then on,every fancy dress I would be out in full on girl mode and loving it as I had started to feel safe in that mode.

Another first was I kissed my first old fella.I dont know why,but boys kissing girls or visa versa is just harmless fun,men was another kettle of fish,it was like serious for some strange reason.It wasnt messing about,it was serious somehow,like it meant something.I dont know why I felt like that,just did.
We had been down for the new years do at the pub,fancy dress as usual,and as usual I was in a little dress and high heels,but stockings this time which I was happy about.I was in a 50s type tea dance dress and Dee had done my hair in a 40s style and makeup to suit.
It was all pretty much same as before,same old mates gawping at me not believing how well I could scrub up,usual having to look up at everyone as I fight my way to the bar "sorry treacle" when Im trying to shove them out the way as theyve not heard me.It was just lovely and I loved it,all.
We had managed to get seats!That was a first too as usually it was always standing room only.We were sat next to an old fella,we knew him as he was a regular and lived alone with his mom.He mustve been 60s I reckon but a lovely bloke,really nice and sweet.At midnight me and Dee kissed (she had gone as a leopard in skintight leopard bodysuit and ears) as we welcomed in another year,along with the usual "happy new year everyone" to which some joker would always shout..."its going to be shit".Always got a laugh that.
Well anyway,the nice old fella asked Dee if he could kiss her to welcome in the new year,she said no and he looked so sad and disheartened.I felt really sorry for him as he only had his mom and was always sat in the pub alone.
Dee then had just had a wicked thought I know,as she suddenly shoved me forward and said "but she will" meaning me!
Im well sauced,randy as hell as usual,always a bad mix that was,oh dear cant believe Im doing this.... I turned around and sat on his lap slowly snuggling in,threw an arm around his shoulders,smiled as nicely as I could as I summoned up some courage and snogged him.Dee thought it was hilarious,I thought this is really scary and what the hell am I doing.I gave him a good snog though,he enjoyed it and thanked me which made me melt a little bit as I always loved good manners and old fashioned stuff.I slinked off his lap and replied "you are most welcome honey" and sat back down with Dee who was still sniggering,"youre such a slag" she joked.I just thought "why the hell did I just do that".Then horror....what if someone who knows me tells him Im actually a boy.Crap!
Then I was racked with guilt,as I hate dishonesty.I dont lie or lead folks on,or steal or anything like that.Im always honest and straight forward,so hiding the fact Im a boy really,made me feel awful.I felt bad for days afterwards till Dee pointed out that from his point of view he had just snogged a little blonde teen lass.How many old fellas get to say that!
She was right,but I still felt bad,but on the other hand if I had told him that couldve wouldve gone very very badly Im sure plus I dont think anyone saw us.
I was wrong about that too!Oh well.
The night finally ended and we headed off home.My head was spinning with emotions and thoughts,guilt by not saying Im a boy upfront,turned on or not by snogging an old fella as I couldnt tell,odd I know,and head in the clouds and heart singing with joy as I had LOVED being dressed as a girl and being out in public as what I always felt was the real me and being seen and treated like a real girl.It sounds a lot like Penokio doesnt it.
Such a warm lovely feeling,yet still scared stupid for being out in public like that.Oh and randy as helll.....yes we didnt even make it out of the carpark before I grabbed Dee,shoved her down on the ground,spread her legs,unzipped her bodysuit,whipped my thing out and away we went at it.As usual we came together and it didnt take long at all,and we certainly didnt care who saw us.I dont think anyone did.
Perfect end to a perfect night out.Loved it.
So it became the norm,every fancy dress we were out dressed as girls,and it became common knowledge that I would always be in something revealing and girly.
Im so stupid,ofcourse I shouldve known Dee would want to up the anty.
"Lets go up Sheffield!" she said one day "ok" I replied.
"with both us dressed" which always meant I would be in a dress."No way!I know what Sheff is like.....I KNOW what its like" I argued,meaning I would be killed or at the least shot,stabbed or something for being in girls clothes."no way no how never in a million years you got to be k**ding,get lost get stuffed not a sodding chance I mean it no way is that happening ever ever ever" I added bringing that stupid idea of hers to an end!

So ofcourse that Friday night as we wait for the bus to take us both to Sheff in the pouring rain,Dee was sporting a nice rara skirt and Im in a black rara dress which was all the rage then.It would be a skater dress in todays money.It was gorgeous!Loved it.It was black soft sooooooo soft and strechy black material on the top half with big red roses in it,little black straps and sweetheart neckline,so girly!Plus I had my new push up bra!I have cleavage!Not much,but some if you look close enough or put your readers on.
Plus you could see my black bra straps which I thought made me look really sofisticated and grown up,when in reality just slutty probably.
Then a huge flared skirty bit at the bottom again with red roses on it,suspenders and little silk knickers which had already gone up my bum,four inch heels black patent heels as I can wear them all day long,and not tucked as the flared skirt hides my bulge.Excellent.Comfy.Plus I had a little shoulder bag in black patent leather,oh yes only the latest for me hehe.
Dee was in 6 inch heels so was way taller than me grrrr.At least I wont be moaning my feet hurt after an hour or so.
So as we waited for the bus freezing to death huddling under a brolly,the wind blowing our skirts up around our waists regularly,one hand holding onto the brolley,another trying to shove back down your skirt so you dont give everyone else in the bus cue a free show,me shaking like a leaf as Im crapping myself as to what awaits us,Dee all the while saying "youll be fine,no one will know,you cant tell........Im telling you....YOU CANT TELL!"Talk about getting ratty.
But its a constant thought....what if someone clocks me as a boy in a dress,we are dead.
We didnt fool about on the back of the bus as we usually did,well always did.This time I was sat rigid,just couldnt relax,especially as she had just told me everyone had an eye full as I walked up the stairs to the top deck.Aparently a short flared dress hides nothing when someone is following you up the steps on the bus.Oops.Well we are off to a flying start,Ive just flashed most of the bus my stockings suspenders and bum and little black knickers...and now everyone knows Im in stockings.Just great.
Still the smirk on the old fella's face opposite made me think I have just made his day.

We got off the bus on the end of Attercliffe,and as anyone will tell you,there is a row of pubs up one side,one after another all the way to Ladies Bridge.The challenge is to have a pint in every one of them and to get to ladies bridge still alive,or still able to walk or stagger more like.
Dee dragged me off into the first pub by the arm as I really didnt want to go in,plus I didnt have a brolley to hide under now,worse,Dee had done my makeup and hair as usual,but this time had brushed my hair so it wasnt covering my eyes,or even one of them!Argghh.As I need my fringe to "hide behind".It sounds daft,but thats me.I need something to hide behind something when in full blown girl mode.So I was hating this.
First pint didnt touch the sides.Second one the same.Talk about nerves.
Every pub I was always back to the people,trying to hide.Just awful,I wasnt enjoying it at all as I was waiting for someone to start something.
Then in pub number three and our third pint,a drunken arm is thrown around me "hey up darlin youve got a right pair of legs yer know".Charming.
I had startled at this,as I first thought here we go its fight time...so I was a bit suprised he didnt know I was actually a boy.Dee jumped on it straight away "told you".Oh shut up.I did manage to say "thank you" for the compliment as I slipped out of the embrace quickly.I just wasnt in the mood as I was too nervous and worried.
Pub number four,ok now the beer is kicking in,Im getting relaxed,and loving the wind blowing my skirt up and I dont bother about it,let em look.Yep the beer is in for sure as out go the inhibitions.Pub number five,I actually think we might get away with this,no one has started anything,I havent been killed yet,could I really look like a real girl?That tought warmed me up no end,it was like a dream, come true,but not my nipples though as they were standing to attentiion the whole time it was so bloody cold.
I even got a few looks off blokes too,which I didnt like as my immediate thought was-here we go fight time.It shouldnt be like that I know,it really shouldnt.
To this day I find it hard to believe that some blokes fancy me.Ive always believed I was yucky looking or a freak,still do.So its always weird if someone does in fact fancy me.
Pub numer five.....six....ok four inch heels might have been a mistake.Dee is already in bare feet using her high heels as a clutch bag.Told her so but did she listen.........no.Did she ever listen............no.Did I ever listen.............no.Welcome to Yorkshire.
Beer and high heels dont mix very well.Bit of a wobble on I think.
Pub numer 7.....yep we are pissed as newts now without a care in the world.Looks like Ladies Bridge was a bridge too far,no way will we make it.Neither could anyone else looking around the last pub we were in.
"Lets hit a club" she said,again no way.Id had enough and didnt want to risk it.Maybe next time.
I love it when the beer is in,happy hour is ace.Getting chatted up,being called darlin or luv,sweetheart,the occasional hand on my bum or up my skirt on my bare cheeks grabbing a free squeeze,cheeky gits.Loved it.
Not the attention,just being treated like a proper girl,not some weirdo or freak show,which is how I normally felt.I really did love it,especially if someone was just talking to us about anything,just general blah blah.It was wonderful to be treated as normal.
Anyway the fun has to end,I did my usual strut into the mens toilet "sorry lads cue for the ladies" as my reason for being there as I race to get into the cubicle.Its so easy having a pee if youre in stockings,just pants to one side,out if flops,done.Easy.Beats boy mode anyway.
Then another freezing stand waiting for the last bus home,only now we are holding our skirts and dresses down as its sooooo cold!

So that was the first of our outings.It became the norm,and weirdly not one problem.It was always when I was in boy mode that someone would start on me.So strange I thought at the time and couldnt figure it out.
Old eyes are a wonderful thing arent they.With old eyes its easy to see why this was.
Back then I would be considered what today would be called a femboy.Weve all seen them.Gorgeous looking.So feminine.But in boy clothes.Clearly a soft target for bullies,as they wont pick on anyone equal,as they are essentially cowards and inadequate as males,so beating an easy target up makes them feel manly.Pathetic or what.
So a femboy appears week and an easy target.But as we have all seen,a femboy with makeup and a dress on looks just like a girl,exactly like one.
Plus gorgeous to boot!Girls arent targets to male bullies,as back then you never hit a woman no matter what,or else every other bloke would kill you as that just wasnt done.And they would be right to kill you as thats not on.
So thats why I only got picked on when in boy mode as you couldnt miss my bulge in tight jeans,yet looked like a girl.Girl mode,I must admit now,I did infact look like a real girl a little bit,I just couldnt see it back then.
Cd's have the opposite problem,boy mode fine,not a problem,girl mode could be a possible problem if any part of them gives the game away like makeup not one hundred percent or their voice gives the game away or something.
Which leads to this ridiculous thing called 'passing'.Hate it hate it hate it.Its wrong.You can look however you like full stop.It should not be up to other people how you want to look.Who the hell do they think they are that they can sit in judgement on other people and how you must live up to what THEY think you should look.Hate it so much.I have a huge rant on this subject alone.However,some Cd's goal is to be perfectly female in movement looks sound everything,that is their aim.Thats fine,if thats their own goal go for it girly.I just wish I had that kind of dedication and skill.Im a slob,bit of makeup and a dress and Im happy.Becouse I am not trying to look perfectly female,I just love girly clothes makeup and all things girly.
But that is pretty much why the only problems I had in girl mode was drunken arms thrown around my waist and pulled in for a snog,or around my neck,chatted up rarely,or have my bum smacked or groped.Never my boobs,or front bits,my bum always got all the attention,rarely did I get fingered though,weird.Yet when little it was always my hands that got attention,you know when youre sat on the bus and some bloke sits next to you and grabs your hand and puts it on his thing,or unzips and shoves your hand down there and youre supposed to squeeze it and play with it or else he will tell the bus conductor and you will be in trouble.Funny how things change.
But yes that was it in a nutshell.Strange how my mind played tricks on me as I could not see what everyone else saw.Boy mode I was hairy (nope) masculine (nope) tall (no) just so macho and manly (never in a million years).I couldnt see I just look like a girl in tight jeans dockers and a tight vest showing off her little boobs and pockies,and wearing tight clothes showed off her little girly figure not hid it.What a clueless idiot.Girl mode just as bad,my mind told me I looked like some big fat hairy miner in a pink frilly dress.I could not see I did in fact look a bit like a real girl.So weird.
Anyway,things started to change,we were up Sheffield,I was in girl mode in the day,yikes I know,but I was getting cocky with it now,no pun intended,with Dee sat on a bench just down from Snig Hill cop shop,known locally as pig palace.When some dickheads came up sneering jeering and being vile.It was obvious what they had in mind for us two.We were to be dragged off and you can guess.Yep thats not going to happen,cue irish temper as I hate people like that.I punched one out quick as a flash and turned to take on the other two,I knew I didnt stand a chance but better to go down fighting I always say,just as a huge "OI!" bellowed out not far away.It was the cops.Crap.Shouted to Dee "leg it split up see you at the bus stop".So she legged it and quick as a flash I whipped off my high heels and legged it.Still makes me laugh to this day,that mustve been a sight,some little blonde crossdresser running like their life depended on it down the crowded street in just their stockinged feet holding onto their heels for dear life,skirt up around their waist showing everything off,being chased by this massive copper.What a sight that mustve been lol.
But I could always out run anyone and knew exactly where to go to get away and disapear in an instance.Well praticed it was.
Dee had a go at me big time later for 'not defending her'.What?!Errr where you not there.I did punch one out and I was going to try and take on the other two scumbags,which wouldve meant she could have got away at least.But she wouldnt have it.I still cant work that out.It had freaked her out big time,which again was strange,as it was just normal really,weve all been there,weve all been dragged off by our hair into the bushes at some point.
But from then on things were different.She stopped wearing skirts and dresses,and was in full time boy mode as I would call it.Always t shirt and jeans trainers from then on no matter where we went.Shame as she had gorgeous legs,shame to cover them up.
Also sex changed,it used to be girlfriends,or sisters,never ever boyfriend girlfriend type relationship.Now it was very much a lesbian relationship.Its the only way I can describe it.She was always the male,me more and more the sub.
Gone were the experimenting with toys and baby oil.Oh I love baby oil!So slippery!I love being slippery as it means you cant stop anything from popping into you.No matter what it is they have in their hands it just slips straight up you all the way.It feels wonderful to be so open and a little vunerable too.Lovely feeling.You name it,hands feet anything,slip and its in.Super.
But now it was clothes pins,being pee'd on or pee'd in.Tied up whipped.Hanged.Exposed in public.Made to clean the room in a maid uniform flashing all what Ive got as I dust while she just watches.Being made to dress up so her and a girlfriend of hers try to out perv each other with me being the poor soul on the receiving end.I know its everyones dream to be with two women,not if youre a crossdresser,as one woman is bad enough,two is sooooooo much worse,as its like they do try to out do each other.One face sits you for ages,the other will do it longer.If one shoves a cucumber up you,the other will try two.One whips your bum,the other will really lay into you.It may sound good on paper,but anyone whos been in that situation will tell you,they will wreck you.You will be worn out in every possible way.You will be wrecked.It isnt for the faint hearted.
But thats how it seemed to go.I always seemed to be on the receiving end,shagged with the strap on most days,my cock hardly ever got any action,except hit hard if it popped out of my knickers,as it does tend to do,it does seem to have a mind of its own.
But it got worse and worse,I seemed to get more and more degraged each week.She would think of something and make me do it.I couldnt tell if she enjoyed it or not,she didnt seem to,it was just like I was being punished for something.I think its the names she called me that hurt the most,or the way she talked down to me.I dont know,but it wasnt the fun sex mad loving relationship we had had for years.We were equals in every way,but not now.Anything to put me down seemed favorite.
For example,up Sheff again on a night out,in a club late on,well sauced as usual.She was in boy as usual,me in skater dress but a very short one,and the usual suspenders and push up bra matching knickers and my new gorgeous velvety five and a half inch heels.Pointy toe ofcourse,as round toes make my feet look like trotters.
We were stood supping our ale,I put my glass down and she just shoved me into a group of lads for no reason.I appoligised to them profusely,offered to buy them all drinks even if they hadnt spilt any,but they were ok about it which was nice of them,as that couldve been very different.She was just smirking at it all the time.
There was a very good reason for this change in her,but I hadnt realised what it was,but I was about to find out real soon.
Anyway,later on some lad on his own a bit older than us came over and started to chat.He was very tall,well dressed and was up for someones wedding.A southerner!Dont worry we dont hunt southerners for sport anymore.Shame really,nowt else to do on a Sunday afternoon now.
He was so polite,nice endearing and actually very charming,almost girly charming.I had this funny thought that he could charm the pants of anyone.
To cut a long story short,after talking about everything for ages,well shouting over the music more like,we headed off home.He walked us to the bus stop which was so gentlemanly of him.I really had a soft spot for him as I love old fashioned clothing,behavoir manners etc.
Well we wished him well etc,and about to part as he was after a taxi (good luck with that darlin at that time of night!) and just looked a little lost,and he said "well it was lovely talking to you,I learnt a lot,so I will love you and leave you",Dee said something about she was gay,but I wasnt and shoved me forward into his arms "well kiss him goodnight,dont be shy......shes really shy" she said with a glint in her eye.I looked up and just wanted to die as usual.What do I do?!Ive had a skin full and randy as usual........I despair with myself sometimes I really do.Yep no suprise,I kissed him briefly,didnt want to really,but did anyway.
He had a little beard type thing going on and it tickled,I stopped kissing him and giggled.I said I was sorry and that it tickled thats all.I felt awful.Then Dee as usual said something about "oh you love birds" or something daft,grabbed us both by the hands and led us into one of the many alleys.
"Well carry on then...." she ordered.
Ok now Im shaking.He had his arm around me,pulled me closer,I look up and he starts kissing me again.I really dont know what to make of this,but I thought its not like I havent kissed a boy before so why not,he seemed girly charming so I concentrated on that,as I am attracted to anything girly,even girly traits,or so some would have us believe are girly traits.
He was so nice he didnt even move his hands down to grab my bum which was the usual thing when I got snogged.
After a bit of kissing he said I was a good kisser or something like that,I joked it wasnt my first time lol,then Dee ofcourse could be relied upon to make things worse.She said "oh she does more than that!Shes really good at other stuff too........go on show him..."
She pushed my shoulders down so Im on my knees in front of him.I know whats coming next as she had done this to me many times before with her strap on.But by now Im just curious....what is it like?Never had a real one in my mouth before.I do have this insatiable curiosity to try things I might not even like just to see.
So I did how I had been taught,I looked up smiling best I can,and kissed his bulge,he was hard already I could tell that,then tried to find the zipper with my mouth,but couldnt.So I had to find it with my hands and unzip it.Dee leant against a wall and watched,as I rummaged around trying to find it,stupid pants in the way.....Im feeling awful as its all going horribly wrong....then oh there it is,and I pulled it out slowly.He was quite well endowed,not as big as mine but not far off,and quite thin too,which was good as I only have a little mouth.So I did as Id been taught and kissed the head,licked along the shaft and back up and around the head before taking it in my mouth.It was SO weird!You know how its weird to have someone elses cock in your hand,its nothing like holding your own,this was the same.Weird.It was really warm,soft yet hard.It was a nice looking one too,no foreskin only a little bit from what I could tell as it was dark.Least it had stopped raining!So I went at it,all the while keeping an eye and ear out for his sounds and movements to see what he liked,what he didnt,and what really got him going,just as Id been taught.He seemed to like where I slowly rolled my head around as I went down on him like a corkscrew sort of way.I thought,its not bad,its doing much for me really but hes liking it...then I tried taking it down my throat,no chance,so I tilted my head up so I could look into his eyes and open up my throat to him.It only just fitted.I gagged,felt awful like Im letting him down,tried again and managed it without gagging.I knew the next day Im going to have a sore throat,always do if I suck cock,odd isnt it,but anyway he didnt take long to cum thankfully.I do love being cummed in,mouth or bum,love that bit.I like having someones babies (as I call it) swimming around in me.Daft thought,but I like to think of them all swimming around in me.But yes him cumming,that was a shock.I wasnt expecting him to come.With me its like theres a notice in the paper a week before announcing when Im about to cum,its obvious,but he wasnt.Came out of nowhere.Made me jump!I had put my other hand up my skirt and got mine out,and had started stroking it in time with the strokes on his.I did like that a lot,and him making me jump like that,I wasnt sure if he had seen I had my cock out.Yikes big time.
I pulled my head back as I was startled,and hes still coming ofcourse,so its going over my face (thats my makeup ruined grrrr) in my hair and down my dress.So I quickly get it back in my mouth to let him finish in me.I then cleaned him up with my tongue as Id been shown,and a kiss goodbye on his end before putting him away with a little pat.Just as Id been taught by Dee.
I stood up,my knees had gone dead,and I went to kiss him all the while trying to hide my hard on,but he pulled back a bit "its quite ok" he said.He didnt want to kiss me,and looked repulsed.Which made me feel like absolute crap.
Oh so he can come in my mouth,thats ok but cant kiss me with his cum on my face and in my mouth.So much for cum play then.So I swallowed what I had in my mouth and said thank you."salty" was all I said with a big smile as he wasnt going to ruin my first blowjob.
Dee then cried "bus here!" so we had to rush off.We said goodbye and raced for the bus leaving him a bit bewilded in the alley,and me trying to hide my hard on as I hadnt had time to took it away.
That was the first time I sucked someone off.I still find it odd.Its also the first time I did a cum walk without realising it,and getting on a well lit bus with it all in my hair and down my chin.Nice one Dee,thanks for that.I didnt feel bad at all.Cow.
On the bus all I got off her when I was moaning about being covered in 'it' was "youre just a total slut" and laughed.Cow.

Oh one first I must mention is our first photo shoot.We had poleroid cameras now,so we had been taking LOTS of pix of us both,over a 130 pix I think we had in total,hard core ones too.As usual she had to take it to the extreme.She found out from one of her friends that there was a 'mucky photographer' down Attercliffe.That meant a proffesional photographer who didnt mind if you got your kit off.She booked in and off we went,I was in boy mode.We arrived,it was an old terraced house with a big extension on the back very near to the massage parlour,brothel actually,which was a few yards from the cop station,yet never got raided.Hmmm...
Anyway it was all above board.He was nice,welcoming,put us at ease,there was a makeup lady,someone messing with lights,another with another camera,and a sofa with silk sheet over it and some weird umbrella with a light in it.Oh snacks and a bottle of booze too on a table.Dont mind if I do help myself.It was Dee's shoot,and they did her makeup and she looked amazing!Utterly amazing.She changed into her cocktail dress and lingerie,all the while the camera man is issuing orders to the other two about lights and stuff I dont understand.Dee came out and was just a natural.Loving it.Posing,getting it all out,showing it off.....just loving it.Odd seeing your girlfriend with it all hanging out,with a camera two foot from her puss and hearing the photographer saying "now slide a finger in...thats it darling....super...great...now put your arm here,look over there,no...thats it....." so weird.It was a turn on seeing her perform for strangers,but that doesnt say much for me does it lol.She loved it,always loved the attention and anything pervy.
We got the pix a week or so later.They were huge,like A4 size.Wow.Just Wow.She looked amazing,beautiful even.You cannot beat a professional shoot thats for sure.She purred "whos classy now" to which I replied "I think you will find thats me".I promptly got beaten to death by pillows for that sarcy comment.hehe.

Yep you guessed it....she wants me to do a professional shoot.No way no chance too weird,get lost never in a million years not a sodding chance...
So a few weeks later we are there.......and Dee had already had a chat with him when she had gone to choose which of her pix she wanted printing.She had asked about if he would do a lad,dressed as a girl.He said not a problem,he will shoot anything and anyone.
Well,she might have loved it I didnt.All I remember is I was cold the whole time,a lot of the time Im stood around naked bored waiting for them to mess around with a light or something,and having a stranger with a camera looking up at you as you spread your legs,or put something up yourself was massively weird.
But.........the makeup lady.Amazing.Loved her to bits.She did such an incredible job with me.She asked how I wanted to look (I said glamour puss) she talked me through all what she was doing,how she would hide the scars,and my wonky eye thats always half shut from falling off the school roof years ago,and do this that and lots of other things I didnt know.
I was in usual basque stockings high heel shoes and the most gorgeous £200 evening dress you have ever seen.It was all black,mat looking but siilky smooth,down to my toes,split up the side,and off the shoulder,bardot style.Yes I had blown several weeks wages on a dress from Debenhams.I adored this dress.Snugly yet silky.Loved it.
My make up took what seemed like ten days,but it was about an hour!!!She did my hair,and put in the tiara I had bought too,as for once I wanted to be the glamour puss I had always wanted to be.
Bloody hell.......oh yes....you cannot beat a professional.She moved my chair around so I could see the finished result.
All you Cd/Tv etc,please,just once......treat yourself to a professional makeover.They can make anyone,and I mean anyone,gorgeous.Honestly.Do it.Its not cheap.Just do it.Just once.You will NOT regret it.I cannot stress it enough.And they are all lovely people,and dont judge or anything,they treat you just perfectly well,and are they for you,to make YOU look the best you can.You will not be sorry.I thought I would regret it,but no.If I can look good,you can.
It is the only time in my life where I have been happy with the way I look.I loved how I looked,she had done an incredible job.No idea what all the layers are about,not a clue,but amazing work.I couldnt help but smile.Did you know your heart can sing?It can smile as well.I learnt that,that day.
Still weird having some bloke with his camera two inches from your bits though.Still felt weird that,plus I drove him mad as Im not a natural infront of a camera at all,too nervous too shy and dont like being told what to do doesnt help lol.
But if he can put a complete nervous wreck like me at ease.....Ive got my legs wide open,theyre round my neck ones over there the other somewhere else,Im arching my back like a snake on heat..Im loving it.Still weird when they stop and change lenses or film or lights and youre laid there with everything hanging out,or stood around for ten minutes with a hard on hanging out of your dress....but still glad I did it.
To anyone reading this,do it.Just do it.Its not cheap,but worth it.
Plus it has its funny moments,like when hes trying to get me to smile or look sexy and Im trying but too nervous...hes all "look this way,look up,hand just there thats it,now look sultry....pouty?err....no...you arent about to be killed by batman....err....debenhams have got a half price sale on....there we go.....youve just found you are a size 8....thats it..."
So funny,but it worked lol.You owe it to yourself to do one shoot,just one.You will adore how you look becouse I know what we are like,we are hypercrytical of how we look,if we smudge our nail varnish on our toes,well we may as well chop our foot off,if we smudge our lippy,may as well kill me now.I know,that is what we are like,but please do,do one shoot,its so worth it.
When it was time to choose which pix we wanted,I was all..."all of them".Dee was all "we cant afford all of them,pick some,we can afford some!""all of them""we cant afford it...some""all of them".....
This went on for some time.Ofcourse we picked some,not all of them.
They made my heart sing,my heart dance,and my heart smile.
It was the one and only time where I was happy with how I looked.Never happened since.
We did another shoot together,hard core with me in girl mode,that WAS good,I enjoyed that,and we did a couple of proffesional videos together,again me in girl mode.Dont get excited,Ive scanned the internet regularly,and she hasnt uploaded them nor have I seen them in the mucky shops.Aparently they were special taste ones as the photographer explained to us,and were only available to selected customers of the mucky shop,and were kept under the counter.They werent that too extreme I dont think.But video shoots were even more boring than piccy shoot,instead of stood around for ages while they change stuff,you are sat bored stupid while they mess with stuff.

There is lots more,I hadnt realised Dee had introduced me to so much.Ive been typing for what seems like weeks!Theres loads more,but its pretty much variations on a theme.
Lots and lots of firsts,lots of indulging this crossdressing thing I have,but most of all I adored the girly stuff.Picking out shoes in a shop,trying on dress in Debenhams or perusing lingerie in the catalogue,playing dress up,doing each others hair,the pillow fights the choosing lippy in Boots...I wanted gloss lippy,but all you get is "you suck cocks now so thats no good,you need matt.matt lasts...."just the silly jokey banter things like that.
I wouldnt have that again,and I have missed it dearly.

I eventually found out why she had started to treat me badly,always putting me down,making me feel awful and making me do things I didnt want to,or just plain hurt me.She had been cheating on me with some bloke,who was normal.It was the normal bit that really hurt,and it had been going on for ages,as I found the pictures one day.
But that is what broke my heart,the fact that he was totally boring and normal.It make me feel even more like a freak of nature,again like there was something wrong with me.And I had thought we were happy,in love,it just worked.
But thats why she had changed into a total cow and done lots of bad things to me.She was getting all her pervy thoughts out on me as she hadnt got anything to loose....if I walked away no problem she has a boyfriend to fall back on,if I stay she gets to try out all the things she wanted to try on me.Win win.
Hello irish temper.
She was sat on the bed looked up scared and said "have you killed him" as I walked in.Like Im even capable of that."No"I replied "dont be stupid".
I looked around the bedroom,looked at her,gave her my best Paddington bear hard stare and simply said "theres nothing here thats mine" and walked out.She got up and slinked over to me,really sexy like,whispered "if I cant have you nobody can",and stabbed me.Nice girl.
Fortunetly been here before and knew what to do,I grabbed the knife as soon as I recognised the glint of the blade,so I managed to stop it going all the way through me.She fell back horrified at what she had done,and burst into tears.First time I ever saw her cry that.I pulled the knife out,the wound wasnt squirting so I knew I was ok,and stormed out.
I walked up to the waste ground at the top of her road,where we all used to play as k**s,where I once slashed my wrists aged 9 becouse I thought there was something wrong with me,sat down pretty much in the same place,and sobbed my heart out,all the while appying pressure to the wound.I still have the scar to this day.Like I said,it wasnt my first time.
So that was it,I was homeless again,not too concerned,not going anywhere I havent been before,only this time I have a car.....and a job!

.........another yawn fest done.Part three coming soon,which I think will be what happened next up to present day as there isnt much really.Theres more to the Dee years,loads more,but its enough I think.
As Im not doing this as a sexy story,or anything like that,its just factual this happened then this then this kind of thing,as Im wanting to share whats happened to me,so others like me can see that they arent alone,that what they have been through others have too,like me.Thats my main aim here,as we have all been through similiar things and it helps to know you arent alone,we are in fact,many.

She will always have a special place in my heart,as we had a lot of fun,so much,years of love and giggles,five years or so actually.I wouldve married her I think in time.It just so worked,or so I thought,but people change,their likes dislikes change,I know mine have.At the minute I so want to get porked by a giant teddybear.I know theres something really wrong with me.But thats me.And that was Dee.
Thanks Dee,if you ever read this you know its you,so thank you for many happy giggle filled years.
I loved it as much as I loved you.x
ps.you were right about gloss lippy,useless.



Me around 20 years old