Somewhat My Heart

In the place of our love,

You filled in with hurt,

Colored unimaginable,

Unfulfilled first,

And I wasn't enough,

And I knew that so much

I tried so hard to make it all work

But you went away worrying and wasted,

Wasting my time

With all those lies,

You always despised, delicate, forgetting the worth



Is it a shame

That the one not to blame

Is the one missing the one

That was there only in name


I made mistakes,

But everything I gave,

You would find some way to take

For granted and never grant me

Anything but nothingness,

An unpainted pain until the day that it came

That you left me so alone and so, you walked away

The door that slammed in my face

Left an imprint on all of me to date



And I just can't wait until it will wash away

And leave something sweet in place of the taste

Of bitterness of soul,

Of emptiness so whole,

Shattered but put back together by

The only semblance of simplicity,

Which is always my hate

Though I know I don't

Really feel that way

I never forgot you, and I would have caught you

If you would have let me know that you were falling...

Away


You moved on so easily

Like I was only a filler of time

But all that you would ever be to me

Was more than you minded, what I wanted,

Mine, all mine

And I can't rewind,

But I can't go forward

I don't want anyone...

Like I wanted you



I don't need a thing

That won't need me back

And maybe just lie

And tell me that I

Am everything and anything

When I am nothing and emptying

All of my heart... and falling apart,

And giving into misery, missing any bit of memory

Of something better than

Both of us divided, than all of us untied

Meant to be together, but that was just some lie

Twisted, unfailing, but really failing

Because we believed that we could somehow be

Unified, united, so very delighted... in a kind of wonderful

When it was denied


The only person that I've ever been

Has been a lingerer, a longer,

But never strong enough to begin

To let go of so much of you,

Knowing that my only

Happiness, too

Was wrapped up in wrong

And stolen by the words of a woman

So selfish, untrue,

Melodic, apathetic,

Angelic, and new,

Turned into torment, burned by the bliss,

Beleaguered by all of the bullshit I no longer miss


But I do sometimes still miss you

I do once in a while wish that I didn't lose

The unbridled, never requiting, uncaring one

Who gave me these scars

For some kind of fun

And then took her heart back

Like it was never for me,

A joke that she played because we couldn't be

The things that we stated,

You loved not, only hated

To try them with me


And now that you've been gone for so long,

I wish you well and hope that he

Can make you as happy

As I tried to bring

You up from your silent, unspoken, broken hole

I didn't have strength, and you would not go,

But for someone other than

This man that I am,

You'll give your all

I will leave it alone

I will probably keep missing you

Oddly, keep wishing you

Weren't the way I know that you are

Partly pathetic, and somewhat my heart