How it happened
2012 grad school
2013 band broke up
2013 miscarriage
2014 adhd diagnosis
2014 new baby
2014 new career
2015 wife goes to grad school
2017 elder c***d off to college
2015 wife enters PhD program, out of town for 3 days a week
at some point I basically became a single parent. No time for hobbies. No interest in them. Forgot who I am. Porn and masturbation switched from my “me time” to the only thing that defines me.
as all this was happening, my sex drive became turbocharged. Adderall side effect? also, my sexual interests broadedned. Possibly bi. Hugely interested in prostate-centric activities. I come and come but never feel true release, feel like there’s more energy in me. So sensitive to touch, can come withou even touching myself.
sex with wife is is usually good but Infrequent. Very transactional. Same basic activities. No variety. None of the new things i want. I dominate her in bed when often all I want is to submit and be used for someone’s pleasure. Or to have my pleasure be their only focus. Feel like I’m doing all the work. Oral sex is zero now, and I just want to give and be given to. I want tantric yab yum and breathing and eye contact for hours until we cry. Masturbation while staring at each other. Casual affection is gone from my life right now too. I need touch, and I need to touch.
wife is too busy with PhD program and I’m not going to ruin that or our home with my neediness.
But I need to to be open and vulnerable and I need a healthy outlet for all of it because I’m thinking of unhealthy ones and it’s scaring me.
2013 band broke up
2013 miscarriage
2014 adhd diagnosis
2014 new baby
2014 new career
2015 wife goes to grad school
2017 elder c***d off to college
2015 wife enters PhD program, out of town for 3 days a week
at some point I basically became a single parent. No time for hobbies. No interest in them. Forgot who I am. Porn and masturbation switched from my “me time” to the only thing that defines me.
as all this was happening, my sex drive became turbocharged. Adderall side effect? also, my sexual interests broadedned. Possibly bi. Hugely interested in prostate-centric activities. I come and come but never feel true release, feel like there’s more energy in me. So sensitive to touch, can come withou even touching myself.
sex with wife is is usually good but Infrequent. Very transactional. Same basic activities. No variety. None of the new things i want. I dominate her in bed when often all I want is to submit and be used for someone’s pleasure. Or to have my pleasure be their only focus. Feel like I’m doing all the work. Oral sex is zero now, and I just want to give and be given to. I want tantric yab yum and breathing and eye contact for hours until we cry. Masturbation while staring at each other. Casual affection is gone from my life right now too. I need touch, and I need to touch.
wife is too busy with PhD program and I’m not going to ruin that or our home with my neediness.
But I need to to be open and vulnerable and I need a healthy outlet for all of it because I’m thinking of unhealthy ones and it’s scaring me.
6 år sedan