Tips for Chatting/Making Friends

Hello my Hammys!

I've decided to write this blog because it's a question I get asked often - How do I make new/good friends on xHam?

I know other people have written about this too, so hopefully between their tips and mine, we'll all make xHam a better place :)



"Say what? Click on boxes and type information? I'm here to look at porn, not take an exam."

If that's your outlook on xHam, then by all means, go for it and enjoy your time. But if you're looking to make friends then you're going to need to put some info down.

Why? Because the idea is that someone who takes the time to fill out their page is someone who is going to be active and actually engage in conversation if you message them.

If you feel like putting up some pics, then go for it. If you don't, then don't. I would recommend that you at least find some kind of random pic/avatar though. Even if it's just a random picture of like.... Will Ferrell from Anchorman.

Again, if you're looking to make friends, then people want to see that you have put a bit of time and effort into your page.

If you invite/msg someone and you have a blank page, their thought is "Why bother writing to this person if they can't even bother with filling out simple basics?"


Again, this is kind of a baseline effort that honestly takes no effort at all. If you see a pic/vid/blog you like, click on the little Heart icon, and that's all there is.

Faves are a way for people to see what interests you have, and if they might have similar ones to you.

For example, if you like a certain porn star eg.Sasha Grey, then fave some vids of hers. Then when someone drops by and sees "Hey, this person likes Sasha, I like Sasha, maybe we have more likes in common. Maybe they can recommend some good vids to me."

I should also add in here to make sure your page is set to display your faves. Just because you can see it, doesn't mean everyone else can.


Okay, so by leaving comments, I do NOT mean that you should start spamming/cutting and pasting a bunch of crap on people's pages/pics/vids/etc.

For those of us who have been on xHam a while, we've all seen/gotten similar comments of "Hey, welcome to xHam! Be sure to come check out my videos!" etc. from random people, and that's basically all they do is cut and paste that same thing on 10,000 pages over and over.

I have no clue why, it's just what they do.

It doesn't take much to leave a nice comment, just say something like "Hey, great pics." or "You have good taste, I like looking through your faves."

It's simple, polite, honest, and people appreciate it.

Another tip I'll throw out there to everyone - If you fave a vid, make the extra few clicks to get to their page and give a quick "Thanks for uploading the Sasha vid, I put it in my faves!"

Also, please exercise good judgement in what you say. A good rule of thumb is to "Talk like you would in public."

Leaving messages all over that say "I WANT TO JIZZ MY COCK ALL OVER YOUR FACE YOU WHORE!" is a great way to get instantly blocked by 90% of all girls on xHam, and probably most of the guys too.

Again, people looking to make friends look to see if you comment as a sign of activity. If you've been on xHam for 1000 days, and only left 8 comments, people are going to think twice about inviting/accepting.


I know, I know, this is a porn site. How much manners can you expect from a bunch of horny people who just got done watching a girl get gangbanged by 20 guys?

To that I say this again:

When you see a girl you like, are the first words out of your mouth to her "YOU LOOK LIKE A SEXY SLUT. LET ME FILL YOUR CUNT" ???

If they are, I hope you're wearing some kind of protection, because the immediate reaction you'll get is for us to kick you right in the balls. Or, in the case of xHam, block you and report you.

Just use your common sense and basic manners, until you figure out what kind of topics/sayings are okay to go over, and if you're not sure, just ask before diving into it.

Don't go from "Hi, how's it going?" directly to "So, are you gonna get on Skype and fist your ass for me or what?". Blocked, Reported, Ignored.

Good rule of thumb for guys when you msg girls. Avoid the following words at all times:

whore
slut
cunt
gape
bitch
fuckpig
cumdumpster

Also, don't ask a girl "How many people have you slept with/fucked?"

What you see is: "How many people have you slept with?"

What girls see is: "Tell me an intimate and private detail about your life that I have no business knowing so that I can immediately judge you and call you a slut/whore if I think the number is higher than whatever subjective number I've decided is too high. Also, I don't care about your personal privacy or feelings."

Blocked, Reported, Ignored.


If you're looking to friend/message someone, and they've bothered to fill out a profile (as hopefully you already have) then please take the time to read through it a bit first.

Again, if your first message to someone is "So, what do you like to do?" and their screen name is "Love2GoBikeRiding", then be prepared to be ignored because that person's first thought is "Do ya read? Can ya read? Didn't even get past the first 3 lines of my info??? Really????"

Looking through faves is also good for striking up conversation like "Hey, I saw you fave'd that Sasha vid, I liked it a lot too. Have you seen the one where she is in the red corset? Its hot."

See that? Simple, polite, and fun. It's not that difficult.


Fact - Not everyone likes ALL of the porn on xHam. And just because YOU like something doesn't mean that other people want to talk about it.

Here's an example: If your screen name is "Fetish4Skirts" then its obvious you like girls in skirts. (Or maybe guys in skirts, whatever the case may be.)

If you do, then that's fine. I'm sure there are at least 5-10 others on xHam who share your same fetish. Hopefully you find them and become friends.

But if you're messaging someone who isn't necessarily into that same fetish, then don't push it on them.

Here's a real life example of what these conversations look like:

Fetish4Skirts - "Hey, do you like skirts?"
Me - "They're cute sometimes."
Fetish4Skirts - "You'd look really hot in a skirt"
Me - "Thanks, that's nice of you to say"
Fetish4Skirts - "You should post some pics of you in a skirt"
Me - "Uh, probably not. I live in a place where the average temperature for the year is about 38-48 degrees. Short skirts don't really happen that much."
Fetish4Skirts - "You should move somewhere warmer and buy skirts and take pics."
Me - "How about no"
Fetish4Skirts - "Skirts are so sexy"
Me - "........."
Fetish4Skirts - "You should totally wear a skirt today"
Me - BLOCK BUTTON ACTIVATED!

We get it. You like skirts. After we've said "No" more than once just drop the subject.

Go do a search for "SkirtFetish69" and get married. That or move to Scotland where people wear kilts. Either way just stop bothering the rest of us.


Hopefully these Tips help everyone out. If I think of any other things to add along the way, I'll put them in here.

Until then, big boobie hugs and kisses for everyone! *muah* :)