Well shit guess I’m a bad person

I met a guy on here today who started off extremely impressed by me and stuff then he got to know me and honestly didn’t like what he found but I mean i understand cause I mean you know me little diary I mean I get it that it’s possible for me to be attractive in a photo but nobody lives in a photo and this guy as we talked more and more decided that we were not compatible but that’s not what bothers me about it cause I’m honestly an outlier in I’ve always until recently believed whole heartedly that I’m going to live for a long time alone and die like a thousand years from now alone what bothered me about it is how attracted I was to his unattraction (forgive me little diary but I’m inventing words lol) from me it bothers me that the more detracted(think that’s the word) got from me the more attracted I got to him it’s like I’m destined to be alone forever lol but iunno I obviously was trying to turn him off by being the weirdest human on the planet mixed with the craziest lol but iunno why I’m like this what’s broken inside of me that it took him not being into me for me to kindve start to be into him(at the end of the day I wasn’t going to do anything with him cause I’m not a cheater) I’m broken lol it’s really weird that I’m this much into self sabotage like I thrive on my destruction not anybody else’s just mine iunno i guess at least I can recognize it and be able to correct it but is it weird that I honestly have no desire to do that? Iunno but there will most certainly be more to come from this no doubt but the next item on my agenda is getting some money I need to get paid from my job soon I hope cause otherwise I’ll be a broke hoe forever and I refuse to let that be the case lol the longer I live this life I find out that my strength comes from a bad place inside of me that just wants to “watch the world burn” anyways money money money money I need money and I’m likely gonna have to do something bad to get it lol yes I’m laughing but it’s only cause I’d rather be laughed at than stoned lol and that’s what should happen to me but anyways I’m about done here tonight hating on me will there be another chapter in this little diary? I guess at the risk of breaking the fourth wall you’ll all have to wait until tomorrow to see…love you all sleep good and take care …little diary lol