Lesson 3
Continuing on my quest to make better men lol, I wrote my final advice column so to speak. Then I got busy with life, I guess I can continue. My final entry (7 years ago) was this one here. The title is:
From Thoughts to Action - Acting Like a b**st
Just a few days ago I received an email. It was open and honest and the guy laid it all out for me. He had met a girl online and there seemed to be some great chemistry and it was getting to the point where a meeting was inevitable. The guy however wasn't sure of himself and his abilities to please this lady seeing that she was older than him and he hadn't had much experience with sex. He asked me for pointers. I gave him some basics but I told him something I hope stuck with him the most. I said, relax, go with the flow, and listen to her body. I don't know if he understood or could actually do those three things, and I hope I hear from him again for an update, but let me break down those three fundamental things a guy must do in order to act like a b**st.
Relax - I told him this but it's more than just words, and it's definitely not the same kind of relax most guys try to tell ladies as they are doing something uncomfortable and normally incorrect to them. Relaxing, as with any action, begins with a thought. You must learn to let go of your expectations and not be so keenly focused on your goal. I've repeated this at least three times it's what we in my profession call a "foot-stomper", meaning either take notes or pay attention to what I am saying. Let me explain why. If you relax your thinking from getting what YOU want from HER then you free your mind of trying to counter limitless variables that can happen throughout the time you are with that person on a date. Let me explain it like this, you can NEVER, under any circumstances control the way a person thinks, or for the most part, how they react to you. You can only ALWAYS control yourself. I used to say this to myself prior to meeting up with someone for the first time:
"RELAX - realize that regardless of what I want, there will be another individual there who may have a totally different goal than I tonight. Focus on things I can control, my manners, my attention to my date, my sense of confidence. Now let's get out there and enjoy ourselves regardless of the physical outcome."
That's a long mantra of course and it wasn't a mantra at all, it was b**st, calming the b**st inside of himself. You guys need to learn to control it too. It's that nervous ball of energy always trying to adjust answers, and leading questions to get what YOU want out of SOMEONE ELSE. As soon as you accept that you will not control that, you will relax in ways you never knew you had in yourself.
Go With the Flow - Most guys read that line and think I mean let her make the decisions, trust me when I tell you, that is the last thing a woman wants to do when she is out on a date with a real man. Men make decisions, it's the natural rhythm of things. To offset that rhythm is to offset the mood. Now, please, don't go out there and be a pig-headed macho because I said that, that's not what I mean. I simply mean take the lead and a good leader knows when to lead when to follow and when to have a cooperative engagement. The balance, if you are relaxed, is very natural. Here are some pointers to going with the flow that will have your partner feel cared for, taken care of (there is a difference), and acknowledged and you can do it within 2 minutes....it's called etiquette. Follow the scenario:
Setting: Bar, Time: Irrelevant, Mood: getting to know one another, introductions have already been made and now it's time for chatting.
Step one, the seating (cared for):
You guide her to her chair, pulling it out is a little too exaggerative and it looks desperate, and honestly, it's not even understood by today's society. You end up looking like a dork, socially inept, and trying way too hard to get some ass. Guys like me would be chuckling at you as we observe the slow train wreck from a distance and would surely slide your date the digits when you weren't looking. So simply just gesture her to the chair, the main thing is that you sit after her, across from her, without a TV in your view behind or to the sides of her, you DO NOT WANT A TV AROUND, it's a bad idea for guys, it's like a moth to a flame.
Step two, ordering the drinks: (caring for and acknowledging)
As you sit down, hand her a menu, ask simultaneously what does she feel like drinking. You ask that so she tells you, or at least gets her mind thinking about the drink and not about the conversation and line of questions she wants to ask you. If you don't ask immediately you will get sucked into a conversation that will cause you to not have the order when the waiter arrives, or worse, have her order without even engaging you. Again this is an etiquette thing. Ask her what she wants, make sure you have the order correct, when the waiter/waitress comes, if they have any kind of sense, they ask the male what will they be drinking or if it's a laid back place the question is asked in general to the table. You as the male then should let the waiter or waitress know what your date will be having first and in turn what you will be having. Make some eye contact with both the service and your date to make sure you have it correct and it's understood. This serves two purposes and it sets the mood for a very relaxed time and great conversation. 1: it lets the lady know that her desires are heard and acknowledged by you, and 2: it lets her see that you will take care of her. It's a subtle way of you asserting yourself as a man and a person that can be followed, and it sets the mood for a great evening....regardless of the outcome physically.
If you simply go with the flow from there, it will be in a direction where you are also acknowledged as a man and you will see quickly that most women simply love to be around a man, they are so used to boys, and sheep in wolves' clothing that they will certainly challenge you as the night goes on and you will notice that the more they want you, the more their natural instincts try to disqualify you. I'll explain later what that means and where that comes from. Your job however is to relax and go with the flow. Don't try to make it a great night for her by agreeing with everything she says either. A yes man is maybe even worse than an indecisive one. Just be a man, have your own opinions, your own values, and above all, just be honest. It's a lot easier to relax if you aren't trying to think two steps ahead of your date or remember in what sequence your current set of lies went in this time. Going with the flow means letting the conversation naturally go where and when it wants to go. When asked what are you thinking....state it...if you are relaxed and not trying to get her in bed, but instead trying to get to know her, you won't have to filter your answer. It makes going with the flow way easier.
Listen to Her Body - Get your minds out of the gutter, I am not talking about when she starts breathing heavily because she's about to orgasm, I am talking LONG before that. I am talking about how she sits, how her legs are crossed, how her shoulders are, how often she exposes her neck to you, how is her eye contact, how is she holding her glass. There are thousands of communication outlets for a woman, on average a woman says 6 - 7 thousand words a day and makes 3 - 4 thousand non-verbal communication sounds or actions. (Compared to us men who speak on average of 2 - 4 thousand words a day and have a mere 1 - 2 thousand non-verbal communication sounds or actions.) They are masters of communication and can leave us poor men dizzy if they wanted to. Think about it like this, if we were talking communication systems theirs would be a fiber optic line going into a powerful Cisco router and ours would be an analog line going into a Vic20 with an RJ11 head for dial-up connection. It's that vast of a difference between women's superior observation ability (I said ability not the application of that ability) and communication skills that allow them to know where the most dangerous "threat" to them in the room are and at the same time what skank you were checking out as you said hello to her when you met her outside all in a matter of seconds. We'll never match their communication skills, but we can level the field if we simply observe them "talking" to us in so many ways. Everything from the placement of her feet (towards you or not) when she crosses her legs (knee placement) to where she puts her hands are telling you if she wants you or not. Study her, enjoy her company, and learn her at the same time. Ask her when things change, did her shoulders go from low and natural to slightly bunched and forward? Did she touch her ear or her neck when she adjusted her hair out of no reason? When she laughed did she look up to the left or the right? The more you study her the more amazing you will see her be and then you will really begin to respect how wonderful a person she is. Women have the ability to create life from their bodies....imagine that. If you don't see them for the wonderful beings that they are if you don't respect them as women, why would they ever want to let you inside of them? Read their body, don't creep them out by staring at them too much though. Be discreet about it, count things that she does when she's not thinking about it. Simply enjoy your time with her and you will be truly surprised at the outcome.
Ladies, if you are reading this. Simply acknowledge what I am saying with either, "Spot on" or, "Dead wrong". Let the guys out there know who have the patience to read my long blogs that in fact, there is a bit of truth in them. Help me make a b**sts out of them!
From Thoughts to Action - Acting Like a b**st
Just a few days ago I received an email. It was open and honest and the guy laid it all out for me. He had met a girl online and there seemed to be some great chemistry and it was getting to the point where a meeting was inevitable. The guy however wasn't sure of himself and his abilities to please this lady seeing that she was older than him and he hadn't had much experience with sex. He asked me for pointers. I gave him some basics but I told him something I hope stuck with him the most. I said, relax, go with the flow, and listen to her body. I don't know if he understood or could actually do those three things, and I hope I hear from him again for an update, but let me break down those three fundamental things a guy must do in order to act like a b**st.
Relax - I told him this but it's more than just words, and it's definitely not the same kind of relax most guys try to tell ladies as they are doing something uncomfortable and normally incorrect to them. Relaxing, as with any action, begins with a thought. You must learn to let go of your expectations and not be so keenly focused on your goal. I've repeated this at least three times it's what we in my profession call a "foot-stomper", meaning either take notes or pay attention to what I am saying. Let me explain why. If you relax your thinking from getting what YOU want from HER then you free your mind of trying to counter limitless variables that can happen throughout the time you are with that person on a date. Let me explain it like this, you can NEVER, under any circumstances control the way a person thinks, or for the most part, how they react to you. You can only ALWAYS control yourself. I used to say this to myself prior to meeting up with someone for the first time:
"RELAX - realize that regardless of what I want, there will be another individual there who may have a totally different goal than I tonight. Focus on things I can control, my manners, my attention to my date, my sense of confidence. Now let's get out there and enjoy ourselves regardless of the physical outcome."
That's a long mantra of course and it wasn't a mantra at all, it was b**st, calming the b**st inside of himself. You guys need to learn to control it too. It's that nervous ball of energy always trying to adjust answers, and leading questions to get what YOU want out of SOMEONE ELSE. As soon as you accept that you will not control that, you will relax in ways you never knew you had in yourself.
Go With the Flow - Most guys read that line and think I mean let her make the decisions, trust me when I tell you, that is the last thing a woman wants to do when she is out on a date with a real man. Men make decisions, it's the natural rhythm of things. To offset that rhythm is to offset the mood. Now, please, don't go out there and be a pig-headed macho because I said that, that's not what I mean. I simply mean take the lead and a good leader knows when to lead when to follow and when to have a cooperative engagement. The balance, if you are relaxed, is very natural. Here are some pointers to going with the flow that will have your partner feel cared for, taken care of (there is a difference), and acknowledged and you can do it within 2 minutes....it's called etiquette. Follow the scenario:
Setting: Bar, Time: Irrelevant, Mood: getting to know one another, introductions have already been made and now it's time for chatting.
Step one, the seating (cared for):
You guide her to her chair, pulling it out is a little too exaggerative and it looks desperate, and honestly, it's not even understood by today's society. You end up looking like a dork, socially inept, and trying way too hard to get some ass. Guys like me would be chuckling at you as we observe the slow train wreck from a distance and would surely slide your date the digits when you weren't looking. So simply just gesture her to the chair, the main thing is that you sit after her, across from her, without a TV in your view behind or to the sides of her, you DO NOT WANT A TV AROUND, it's a bad idea for guys, it's like a moth to a flame.
Step two, ordering the drinks: (caring for and acknowledging)
As you sit down, hand her a menu, ask simultaneously what does she feel like drinking. You ask that so she tells you, or at least gets her mind thinking about the drink and not about the conversation and line of questions she wants to ask you. If you don't ask immediately you will get sucked into a conversation that will cause you to not have the order when the waiter arrives, or worse, have her order without even engaging you. Again this is an etiquette thing. Ask her what she wants, make sure you have the order correct, when the waiter/waitress comes, if they have any kind of sense, they ask the male what will they be drinking or if it's a laid back place the question is asked in general to the table. You as the male then should let the waiter or waitress know what your date will be having first and in turn what you will be having. Make some eye contact with both the service and your date to make sure you have it correct and it's understood. This serves two purposes and it sets the mood for a very relaxed time and great conversation. 1: it lets the lady know that her desires are heard and acknowledged by you, and 2: it lets her see that you will take care of her. It's a subtle way of you asserting yourself as a man and a person that can be followed, and it sets the mood for a great evening....regardless of the outcome physically.
If you simply go with the flow from there, it will be in a direction where you are also acknowledged as a man and you will see quickly that most women simply love to be around a man, they are so used to boys, and sheep in wolves' clothing that they will certainly challenge you as the night goes on and you will notice that the more they want you, the more their natural instincts try to disqualify you. I'll explain later what that means and where that comes from. Your job however is to relax and go with the flow. Don't try to make it a great night for her by agreeing with everything she says either. A yes man is maybe even worse than an indecisive one. Just be a man, have your own opinions, your own values, and above all, just be honest. It's a lot easier to relax if you aren't trying to think two steps ahead of your date or remember in what sequence your current set of lies went in this time. Going with the flow means letting the conversation naturally go where and when it wants to go. When asked what are you thinking....state it...if you are relaxed and not trying to get her in bed, but instead trying to get to know her, you won't have to filter your answer. It makes going with the flow way easier.
Listen to Her Body - Get your minds out of the gutter, I am not talking about when she starts breathing heavily because she's about to orgasm, I am talking LONG before that. I am talking about how she sits, how her legs are crossed, how her shoulders are, how often she exposes her neck to you, how is her eye contact, how is she holding her glass. There are thousands of communication outlets for a woman, on average a woman says 6 - 7 thousand words a day and makes 3 - 4 thousand non-verbal communication sounds or actions. (Compared to us men who speak on average of 2 - 4 thousand words a day and have a mere 1 - 2 thousand non-verbal communication sounds or actions.) They are masters of communication and can leave us poor men dizzy if they wanted to. Think about it like this, if we were talking communication systems theirs would be a fiber optic line going into a powerful Cisco router and ours would be an analog line going into a Vic20 with an RJ11 head for dial-up connection. It's that vast of a difference between women's superior observation ability (I said ability not the application of that ability) and communication skills that allow them to know where the most dangerous "threat" to them in the room are and at the same time what skank you were checking out as you said hello to her when you met her outside all in a matter of seconds. We'll never match their communication skills, but we can level the field if we simply observe them "talking" to us in so many ways. Everything from the placement of her feet (towards you or not) when she crosses her legs (knee placement) to where she puts her hands are telling you if she wants you or not. Study her, enjoy her company, and learn her at the same time. Ask her when things change, did her shoulders go from low and natural to slightly bunched and forward? Did she touch her ear or her neck when she adjusted her hair out of no reason? When she laughed did she look up to the left or the right? The more you study her the more amazing you will see her be and then you will really begin to respect how wonderful a person she is. Women have the ability to create life from their bodies....imagine that. If you don't see them for the wonderful beings that they are if you don't respect them as women, why would they ever want to let you inside of them? Read their body, don't creep them out by staring at them too much though. Be discreet about it, count things that she does when she's not thinking about it. Simply enjoy your time with her and you will be truly surprised at the outcome.
Ladies, if you are reading this. Simply acknowledge what I am saying with either, "Spot on" or, "Dead wrong". Let the guys out there know who have the patience to read my long blogs that in fact, there is a bit of truth in them. Help me make a b**sts out of them!
vor 3 Jahren