Getting burned

Let me see if I can figure out how to post a few pics of what I did to myself. Sometimes, a picture is worth a thousand words.

I'm a dumbass. I heated up a container of soup in the microwave according to the directions for two minutes. It's ironic because I actually read the warning to let it sit in the microwave one minute after cooking. I ignored the warning. I took it out of the microwave with a towel. I tripped over my own two feet and I poured the goddamn soup all over my left hand. To say it hurt like hell is an understatement. I got to the sink and the top layer of my skin had basically peeled off instantly. I have had burns before. I had a bad one when I was young. It was nowhere near as bad as this.

I do my best to look on the bright side. This happened to my left hand. Luckily, I'm right handed. As a kiid I broke my left thumb way down deep at the growth plate and I nearly lost all use of that hand. I was in a cast for so long it's not even funny. I was a tough little girl. I forced myself to strengthen my grip when the cast came off. The doctor had warned me that I was at risk of having a totally gimp left arm. If I didn't use it, I would lose it. I could've spent my life with an atrophied arm like a t-rex. I mention this because I have always called my left hand my gimp hand. To this day, I can't use it normally. I don't have much control of my thumb. Some of my friends here know that I went half-way through nursing school. I took a leave of absence when two of my closest relatives died in a span of two weeks. I don't usually explain that I chose not to return to school because my left hand prevented me from doing simple things like opening medicine packets and pulling up medicine from a bottle into a syringe. Looking on the bright side, I'm grateful for my gimp hand. I would've been a miserable creature if I followed through with plans to become an RN.

I am genuinely used to not using my left hand. This burn won't fuck with me the way it would most people. My mom was a nurse for over 25 years. I wouldn't have thought the injury was bad enough for the ER. She insisted that I go. It was the smart decision. Everyone at the ER was so nice. The nurse practitioner gave me a hydrocodone. Sometimes, I have a bad reaction to pain meds. When it hit me, I thought I was gonna pass out and puke. She probably would've sent me home with a script for pain. After my blood pressure skyrocketed and I spent twenty minutes in the bathroom, she decided I was better off with tylenol. I am in a lot of pain. I told my mom if I ever had an accident and suffered major burns it was her duty to put me out of my misery.

This accident couldn't happen at a worse time for me. Every week I talk to other vendors and dealers. We all feel devastated because this time of year we are usually making a ton of money. When we set up at markets now, you can see that people are careful with every dollar they spend. No one is doing well. On Wednesday, me and my mom agreed that we had the most gorgeous set up we'd ever had. We broke out our nicest things and we sold them for half their value. We still didn't make good money. Bills are adding up. I'm going to have to work through the pain. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I don't know what will happen in the upcoming weeks. We aren't gonna be able to pay our electric bill unless something miraculous happens. I am actually not that stressed about it. One good thing about hurricane Irma was learning how to live without electricity. I'm actually more stressed out about not being able to pay my shrink. I'm not going to throw in the towel and feel sorry for myself. This morning me and my mom will do a bit of light garage sale shopping. You seriously have to spend money to make money in my line of work. With an amount as small as ten dollars if you shop carefully you can add inventory that can change everything. I'm in pain. I can't dwell on it. My life isn't going to get better if I just stay in bed a week hoping it heals.

Lately, I've missed messages and a chance to reply to any comments I've received. I know it's bad when my inbox has a hundred messages from people saying 'what did I do wrong' or 'thanks for ignoring me you stupid bitch.' Sadly, I haven't had time to reassure anyone they didn't do anything wrong and that I simply had to focus on work. I've let some people know I've had to work three times as hard for half the money. I think burning my hand was a real wake-up call that I need to do things differently.

I have wavered on the issue of camming a thousand times. Despite anyone's opinion, I think it's my best option. Friends that fear I will change and spend less time communicating are mistaken. At the very least, camming will be a huge incentive to chat with friends the way I did before I worked all the time. I have to wait until my hand heals. I'm so pissed off. In one comment a man asked if I hurt my whack off hand. As a matter of fact, the only thing my left hand is good for is playing with myself. Using my right hand is not an option.

So far, my plan is to go pro here on xham. I've been told a cam girl on this site has a hard time making good money. I don't know if that's true. I would love your insight if you know about the cam world. I've been told to try other sites as well. I used to say that camming was something I truly didn't want to ever have to do. That was the truth. Things have changed. I'm willing to do what it takes to supplement my business and allow it to keep growing. If I can stop this monthly struggle to pay bills then I couldn't help but feel better about myself, even if people think less of me for how I make that happen.

I will write more about upcoming plans. I hate typing with one finger. To my dear friends that have given me the gift of a hosted blog space...please don't think I'm neglecting to use it on purpose. I haven't had time to write. When I did have time I was sick. Please know that the decision to cam is easier to make, knowing that I'll have more time to write and make art. Those two goals are incentive enough to go pro.

If I've missed your messages, please be patient with me. Just keep reaching out to me. You are never going to 'bother' me. Sometimes, messaging me over and over is the only chance I have to get back in touch with you. I know I've been a shitty friend. I've broken contact with every single person that I care about. I truly hope to reconnect with everyone who still wants to be a part of my life.

I will do my best to work this weekend. I may be harder to contact before it finally gets easier to reach me. I am absolutely reluctant to mention this. It's not something I would mention if I hadn't gotten hurt. If you would like to help me, this time I would accept any help offered. Any amount helps. I can try to do something special for people who do offer me help. I can make no promises of what I can or will do. I don't expect anyone to actually offer help. Please don't think I'll judge anyone I'm friends with on whether or not they do or do not help me in anyway. The only reason I can even write this last paragraph is because my mom asked me to do it. There's not much I wouldn't do for her. We both agree it's time for me to cam and think about panties, personal videos and snapchat. I just have to get better before I make any final decisions.

lol, I looked a bit under my bandage and I got totally grossed out. Because I'm twisted, I thought I would share. It's gross. But let it be a reminder to be very careful with soup this winter.


PS: if these pics go through on a blog post and you need help doing it in your own blog, leave me a comment and I can tell you how I made it happen. I use the old xhamster. I don't know if the procedure is easier on the new xham.