Boredom breeds breeders
So,been bored as hell in one of the least boring times of my lifetime. over the last 18 months, i've been completely dismantled and uprooted from a life worked hard to achieve a total of 7 times....yes, in 18 months....over the last 2 alone, i've bought a camper to live in and had a man i loved permafry himself and therefor our relationship to the point said camper was almost burned down with me in it, and was in fact crushed under a house in the process of demolishing the ancient structure.....but my physical love life had started growing stagnant.....it was always hte same old....same old. come here and give me head....attacked at hte most inopportune times and ignored when i was primed and ready to go....story of my life. i started noticing that i was not enjoying sex.....this is all bad. i realized i had spent every relationship encouraging and enjoying watching my partner learn themselves, explore, come out of comfort zones and delight in the openness of being who they had always been, but told that those qualities were bad..... i realized this week that i had not fully embraced or adventured into my own sexual deviance.....well i think i'm about overdue. don't you? i've put my pinky toe the proverbial pool on a few things enough to know that i enjoy them....but i haven't really found my shangrila...my valhalla, my unmanageable and unrestrainable urge. so i've spent this week wading in a little more at a time. i sat 2 nights ago and had a random conversation with a new fb friend that started with how he would treat me right and love me, we went through all the paramaters of relationship dos and dont's , what we liked didn't like in having a partner behave in certaain manners......and then out of nowhere it escalated quickly to us both admitting we were currently using substances at hte moment, to speaking of hte effects it has on the sexual hormones, to him informing me that the other man with him wanted to give him head and then it was instantly palpable that the game had began when i responded with not only an acceptance of his curiosity but a demanding insistence that he MUST allow this other man to suck his dick. i then realized that me telling these 2 complete strangers who i could not see, as it was all messaging, how to please one another and when they were allowed to please each other, and what they were allowed to use while doing so.....i realized then that i have been mostly submissive in my affairs, and i really enjoyed beingt in control....being the rulemaker and being the ringleader.....i think i may be a bit calculating in my sexual deviancy....lol. i wanted to be mean to themn, but wanted them rewarded for allowing me to be mean to them....i wanted that perfect blend of pain and pleasure, comfort and confused. i believe i am a madam in the making....anyone ready to see how this one turns out. i know you do....and even if you don't....you will. because i want you to badly enough, that you will feel the desire in every move i make fron here....and you won't be able to resist..... i do want to start uploading more videos, but i need equipment....so buy my downloads, tip my model thing....purchase one on one attention face times....help me help you realize youre just as fucked up and you will feel ok to not be ok....and of course, because it is something i will insist on. lol